Teen Wolf Review: Part Three - Episode 2

Sunday, the first episode of Teen Wolf airs.
Monday, it comes on the Internet and I get to see it.
Tuesday, I finish the review, check the Web site, and there's another episode up.

MTV, why do you torment me so?

Well, in the interest of promptness, I'm going to go ahead and watch and review it right now. Here's hoping that it brings more than the first episode.

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

After a recap of the first episode, the story begins with Scott in the locker room getting ready to play some lacrosse. (I'm impressed - sports uniform and shirtless fanservices in one scene.) Stiles shows up and asks how things are going with Allison. Scott tells him that she accepted his apology, but there are bigger problems: her dad is the werewolf hunter who tried to kill him. This thought is enough to send Scott into a near-panic attack, but Stiles, who is a quick thinker and not easily distracted by Scott's heaving man-titties, tells him to focus on lacrosse to calm himself down. He does, and they go to practice.

Today, the coach is having the team members practice ramming into each other at high speeds. (I presume this is important.) Scott is sent out against Jackson, naturally, and fails rather spectacularly. The coach insults Scott, which cheeses him off and brings out his werewolf powers. (Apparently they're triggered by emotion, not moonlight.) This improves his game skills, but causes him to wolf out on the field, and Stiles drags him back to the lockers while Derek stares from the sidelines.

Stiles tries to help Scott, but it goes badly and he ends up running from him instead. Though not fully transformed, Scott is pretty much out of it, and does his violent-rampage thing until Stiles blasts him with a convenient fire extinguisher. Scott returns to normal, and then wants to know what happened. Stiles gives him an "I told you so," explaining that this is going to happen whenever Scott gets too angry. He tells Scott that he needs to stop playing lacrosse, because it is liable to keep setting him off in the future, but Scott refuses.

Cue splash screen.

That night, Scott arrives home and collapses onto his bed. His mother comes to his bedroom and lets him know that she'll be working extra again, but that she's taking off Saturday to attend his first lacrosse game. Turns out that Scott isn't so middle-class, either. With his dad out of the picture, his mother - who is their only source of income - has to pull extra shifts to keep them afloat. This really does make me appreciate my own privilege - sure, my family may be lower-class, but I have both of my parents and my dad gets paid a salary so he can actually take time off now and again without jeopardizing everyone.

Which doesn't change the fact that it's a huge cliché and does nothing to combat the unspoken notion that they would be living quite comfortably if only Dad was around to earn the income.

Anyway, Scott's mom is concerned about his health, because he looks like he hasn't been sleeping. Scott says it's stress, Mom thinks it might be drugs. They banter a bit without establishing whether Scott is actually using recreational drugs or not - presumably he isn't, but the issue here seems to be more about whether she trusts him not to be taking them. It's an interesting take on that type of scene.

After Mom leaves, Scott contacts Stiles via webcam and gets the scoop. Turns out that Jackson's shoulder was separated by the tackle and they don't know if he'll be able to play on Saturday, which means that Scott has no choice but to be there.

Suddenly, Stiles shuts up and gets a worried look on his face. Scott asks what's going on, and Stiles starts typing a message: "It looks like..." Scott tries to get him to finish the message, but the camera lags. When it resumes, he sees the words "Someone's behind you." Scott checks the feed from his webcam and sees a figure in the background - who lunges for him.

I. Shat. Brix. Well done, MTV.

The figure, who is in fact Derek, grabs Scott, and tells him that he saw what happened at lacrosse practice. He warns Scott that if he keeps transforming in front of people, he'll end up incurring the wrath of pretty much all of humanity, who will by extension go after Derek and various other, unseen, werewolves. (This, apparently, is the extent of Derek's brotherly love - stalk Scott and threaten him when he screws up.) He tells Scott that if he even tries to play in the lacrosse game, he will kill him. Um, gee, Derek, that's very helpful of you. Now do you mind giving the kid a hand with this whole werewolf thing? Just whenever you have some time in your busy schedule of "stalking him everywhere?"

I take back what I said about him in the previous episode; Derek's a dick. It's one thing to decide that Scott isn't his responsibility (though that's fairly dick too). It's another thing to declare him your "brother," then insist that he follow certain rules that you lay out while refusing to help him with anything. Yeesh, it's not like he can just find out how to be a responsible werewolf on the Internet.

The next day, Scott tries to tell the lacrosse coach that he can't play, but the coach won't have any of it. Scott says that he's having personal issues. The coach first asks him if it's a girl, then if it's a guy, mentioning that the team goalie is gay and makes an awkward attempt to set them up. Or something like that. After more awkwardness, Scott finally blurts out that he's having aggression issues, but that just encourages the coach, who threatens to bench him indefinitely if he doesn't play.

And things get worse: Scott's mom got the night off from work to see the game, and Allison has made plans for her, Scott, Jackson, Lydia, and Stiles to go out afterward.

The focus shifts to Allison, who opens her locker and finds the same jacket that was used to catch Scott the night of the party. From the look on her face, I'd say it's not supposed to be there. And from the Wolf-Cam at the end of the lockers, I would guess that Derek put it there and is stalking her while she eyeballs it. The bell rings before we can find out for sure.

Later, in algebra class, Scott is working at the chalkboard next to Lydia, who abruptly starts laying down the law. She's angry at him for injuring Jackson, and as restitution she demands that he play on Saturday to make sure the team wins. Her reasoning for this is stereotypically shallow and obnoxious - if they lose the game, then her boyfriend will be the captain of the losing lacrosse team and she can't date a loser. Scott tries to talk sense to her, but she threatens to introduce Allison to all of the good-looking lacrosse players. Have I mentioned that Lydia is blonde? Yes, she is the Blonde Bitch Queen stereotype at your service. Way to go, MTV.

Because teenage angst isn't enough to drive a show (astonishingly), Scott soon finds himself with more problems. He listens in on a conversation between a school faculty member and Stiles' father and learns that the police are planning on instituting a 9:30 curfew for everyone under the age of eighteen. Stiles, knowing that Derek was the one who killed the woman who became the corpse from the first episode, realizes that this isn't going to do any good, and thinks that if he can retrieve the other half of the body it will help to implicate Derek.

Scott is hesitant, but he has more pressing problems to worry about: Lydia is making good on her threat to introduce Allison to all of the guys on the lacrosse team. Now, I'm all for this. I think it's completely ridiculous of Scott that his feelings of entitlement toward Allison have reached the point where he's afraid that another person is going to steal her away from him - that's phenomenally messed up. But, this being Scott, he is jelly.

Then he sees Allison holding the jacket that Derek used to bait him, and tries to warn her about him, but this confuses Allison (possibly due to jelly vibes) and she leaves.

Scott embarkes on a rage-fueled bicycle ride to the burned-out shell of Derek's old house, where he somehow expects Derek to be. And what do you know, he's there. Scott tells Derek to leave Lydia alone, but Derek very sensibly points out that Scott is a n00b and for all he knows Lydia could know as much as her dad and actually be a threat to Scott. He then reminds Scott that if he transforms on the field he could well be lynched.

Scott goes home, where he meets up with Stiles. Apparently there was more to his meeting with Derek than werewolf posturing - about half a body more. Scott says that he could smell blood at the place and that there's something buried there. He has a plan to use the body to get Derek arrested, then figure out how to play lacrosse without transforming so he can make Saturday's game. Yeah, good luck with that.

For the second time in as many episodes, there is a comment about Stiles taking a lot of Adderall. Adderall is a stimulant medication used to treat ADHD and narcolepsy, which means that either Stiles has one of these conditions and is not being responsible with his medication, or he's abusing the drug to give himself boosts in certain situations. Either way, this obviously isn't healthy behavior and I hope the show doesn't continue to use it as a cheap running gag.

Part of Scott and Stiles' plan requires them to go to the Beacon Hills Hospital so that Scott can smell the blood of the dead woman's legs and make sure that it's a match to the body buried at Derek's place. While Scott is off looking for corpses to huff, Stiles sees Lydia, and decides to introduce himself to her. He gives her this ridiculous spiel about how he feels that they have a connection and should get together sometime, and when he's finished she reveals that she is wearing a wireless headset and didn't hear a word. He decides not to bother, and goes to wait for Scott instead.

Scott, meanwhile, gets into the morgue without difficulty. He finds the dead body's legs, but they creep him out and he locks them back up quickly. He forgets to cover them back up, though, which never has any consequences.

Back in the waiting room, Lydia meets up with Jackson. He says that he's been given a cortisone shot, presumably for his shoulder. Lydia tells him that he should take another one right before the game, then insults him for having a look on his face that suggests that he's against the idea, because Professionals Do It All The Time and he should want to be Professional, shouldn't he?

Stiles watches them make out and leave (hiding behind a book about the menstrual cycle - trololololol), and then Scott comes back and reports that the legs are a match. Also there are bite marks on them, which somehow means that they're going to need a shovel. What.

That night, Scott and Stiles wait for Derek to leave his house (apparently parts of it are liveable), and sneak up to the place. Scott notes that something is different from earlier, but he's not sure what it is, and they commence digging up the body. They find it and take off part of its covering - but to their surprise, they find that the torso belongs to a wolf.

They start to re-bury the remains, but stop when Stiles sees a wolfsbane plant in the ground nearby. He picks it up and discovers that it's attached to a length of rope, that has been wound several times around the grave and semi-buried. They pull up the rope, then Scott glances back into the hole and gets a shock. There is now a human torso in the grave.

The next day, Derek is arrested, taking time before he's put in the police cruiser to give Scott the stinkeye. Then Stiles decides it's a good idea to get into the cruiser with Derek and ask him various questions about the body, including the fact that she was able to transform into a full wolf. Derek refuses to answer, instead insisting that Stiles find a way to stop Scott from playing the Saturday lacrosse game.

Stiles' dad finds him in the car, drags him out, and starts asking questions. It comes out that Stiles was lying about being alone the night Scott was bitten. Stiles tries to sweet-talk his way out of it, but his dad just tells him to get out of the place.

As Stiles and Scott drive down the road, Scott checks Stiles' reference notes. He can't find anything about wolfsbane being used for burial, or the reason why the other werewolf could transform into a full wolf. But he doesn't particularly care, because he still has to figure out how to play lacrosse without changing during the game. Between this worry and Stiles' chattering, Scott starts to transform, but becomes sick because of the coiled-up wolfsbane rope sitting next to him. Stiles stops the car and ditches the rope, but when he turns around Scott is gone. He gets into the Jeep and starts looking for Scott, even calling the police dispatcher, who is not amused by his queries of "a dog-like person." Then he sees one of the pictures that he printed out, of a hulking werewolf holding a beautiful woman.

Yeah, I can tell where this is going. I wish these shows would stop treating silly artwork like it's some kind of accurate depiction of werewolf behavior. Ain't Stiles ever heard of "hyperbole?"

Cut to Allison's house, where Scott is (naturally) climbing around on her roof. He's watching her in her bedroom until she closes the curtains, at which point he sees his reflection in the window, freaks out, and falls off the house. (I am not making this up.) And where should he land, but right in front of Mr. Argent's car? Ooh, Lorraine's not going to be happy about this. I mean Allison.

Fortunately, by the time they meet, Scott has returned to normal. And Allison shows up, which fairly well prevents Mr. Argent from doing anything to him even if he does suspect that Scott is the werewolf. Which he apparently does, because he has decided that it is a good idea to attend Scott's lacrosse game.

In the next scene, Scott's getting ready for the game, but his werewolf senses are going haywire and he is nervous. Stiles pops by to make a last-ditch attempt to talk him out of playing. Scott confesses that the main reason he's doing it is because he wants "a freakin' normal life." I could gripe again about how ridiculous these people's standards for "normal" are and that he should just get over it, but the truth is, I understand. I really do. Probably because I've done the whole "young adult outcast guy" thing, and it freaking sucks knowing that you've missed out on doing all these things that are practically rites of passage for everyone else. So I'll skip the lecture.

Failing to talk him out of playing, Stiles tries to give Scott a pep talk to keep him calm, but this doesn't go over so well.

As the team gets ready to play, Lydia threatens Scott while the coach tells Jackson to keep playing no matter what. Way to go, guys. Frankly, I think that Lydia should break up with Jackson and date the coach. In fact, I am going to declare them my OTP right now. They deserve each other. (That, and it would free up Jackson to date Scott.)

The game starts, and Scott is putting his all into staying calm and not wolfing out all over the place. And it works, for a while. But then things start going downhill. Jackson knocks Scott to the ground just to get at the ball, then orders his teammates to pass the ball to him no matter what. (Ah, the archetypical self-absorbed team captain.) Meanwhile, Scott sees Lydia and Allison holding a sign that says "We Luv U, Jackson!" And the sneaky hate spiral kicks in.

Fortunately for the many squishy and easily-destructible civilians around, he is able to channel his aggression. He employs his werewolf superpowers to sink an easy goal, then snatches the ball later on by making wolf-face at one of the enemy teammates. Afterwards, he flings the ball so hard that it burns through the goalie's stick net. (Yes, really. I don't even know how that is possible.)

The teams are now tied, and presumably one more point will net them the win. But things aren't going so awesome for Scott. His wolf-o-vision has kicked in and he's growling at the other players, which can't be a good sign. But he manages to hang on long enough to score a final goal, winning the game and scoring mad bitchez. I mean, Allison.

But he can't stay. He's partially transformed, and he needs to go somewhere nice and uninhabited to deal with this problem before carrying on. Mr. Argent, who has been eyeballing him the entire game, finds this suspicious and stares meaningfully at nothing in particular. (He can do that, because he's JR Bourne.)

Meanwhile, Stiles' dad gets an ominous phone call.

Scott lurches off into the locker room, but Allison follows him. He sees himself transforming in a mirror, and in true Vampire Hulkwolf fashion smashes it so he doesn't have to see his own furry face. Allison hears the sound and comes after him, so he hides in the rafters and scopes her out in wobbly salmon. She keeps looking for him, but she breathes so loud you could shoot her in the dark, so it's a cinch for Scott to avoid her until he is able to de-wolfinate. They have a nice, meaningful talk, then make with the smoochies.

Allison leaves Scott, who is blissfully sillyheaded until Stiles comes in and tells him that Derek's been let out of jail, since the evidence showed that the dead woman was killed by an animal. Also, the body has been identified and she is in fact Derek's sister.

Back on the lacrosse field, Jackson decides to do some detective work. He picks up a glove that Scott had dropped on the field before leaving and discovers that there are holes in the fingertips where Scott's super-wolf-nails broke through. Then he turns and gets a glimpse of Derek, who - guess what? - stares at him for a few seconds before walking away.

Something tells me he's not going to be too happy with Scott next episode.

And that's the end of Episode 2. So, how did it stack up?

Well, the first thing I want to talk about is the coach. See, I really should hate the coach. He's the kind of douchebag whom writers put into shows as some kind of comic relief - he's inconsiderate and tactless, you know, it's funny. Except that aside from the palpable sense of awkwardness, there's never really anything done to explain why his behavior is bad or discourage other people from acting that way. He's a total waste of writing space.

But honestly, I think he's hilarious. Reasons are twofold: firstly, he reminds me of people I know who tend to do the same kind of thing, and secondly, he's way worse than any of them. It's relieving to me to see a situation that I can relate to, yet is so over-the-top that it makes what I deal with seem like small potatoes.

However.

I am not amused by the writers' decision to make the one character who is known for being a socially inappropriate asshole the one guy who would be totally cool if Scott was gay. What, are we saying that he's too tactless to realize that being accepting of someone's sexual orientation and willing to talk about the subject is ew, awkward? Really? That is so offensive that it's practically in the fourth dimension. Also, I am still noting that your only gay "character" is never seen on screen, much less heard from.

Stiles is starting to get on my nerves. Basically for the same reason that Scott does: they both have a bad case of Dunning-Kreuger disease. Neither of them know very much about werewolves at all - much less murder and law and other such things - yet they still think it's appropriate to start taking all of this stuff into their own hands. I realize that Scott's motivations for getting Derek arrested were strictly based on wanting to play lacrosse - which is even worse, to be honest. Going to jail isn't a walk in the park, even for a spooky tough guy like Derek.

Speaking of which, Derek creeps me the fuck out. I have sworn not to compare this series to Twilight, but the way Derek stands around all the time and shoots creepy stares at everyone is putting me in mind of Robert Pattinson's omnipresent glareface and it is really getting annoying. And does the guy have anything better to do than stalk Scott and threaten him periodically? I don't think so.

Beyond that, blarg, teenage angst, blarg hetfest, om nom nom JR Bourne, it wasn't as obnoxious as the first episode and I actually did enjoy watching it, the end.