Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Teen Wolf Review: Part Seven - Episode 5



You're welcome.


When last we left Scott McCall, he was giving the stink-eye to Allison's dad for being too hetero with his daughter, then saving Derek from a painful and horrible death. What adventures will our intrepid hero experience this week?

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

The episode opens with a set of flickering fluorescent lights. The scene is a video store, and a lone employee (or perhaps the owner) is trying to fix the lights. Being the cautious and thoughtful electrician he is, he hasn't bothered to turn off the lights first (possibly because it's night and all the lights are controlled by the same switch).

Outside, Jackson and Lydia have just pulled up to the store, arguing about what movie they're going to rent. Jackson wants to watch Hoosiers, Lydia wants to watch The Notebook. Sweet baby cheeses, could we have a more overt display of heteronormative stereotypes? Just because Lydia is a woman doesn't mean that she's going to want to watch a Romance Movie. No, there's nothing wrong with a woman liking romance, but this characterization is serving to reinforce sexism and heterociscentricity.

(Of course, there's the chance that she doesn't like it that much either and is just watching it to punish Jackson for being such a high-maintenance boyfriend. I wouldn't put it past her.)

Lydia wins the argument (ha ha! Jackson gave in to his nagging girlfriend! So funny!) and Jackson goes into the store. He calls out for help, but now there is no one there. (Ooh, mysterious.) Jackson continues to search the store, and in doing so, finds the employee from earlier - dead and bloody on the floor.

Jackson backs away, and accidentally knocks over the ladder the employee was using to change the lights. The ladder was holding up the fixture, which now falls freely, exacerbating the light problem.

Outside, Lydia is so wrapped up taking photos of herself that she fails to notice that the biggest light source in close proximity is flashing on and off like novelty Christmas lights. I don't buy this at all. It doesn't matter what you're staring at; if things suddenly get dark, you notice. And you know who is shallow enough to ignore something like that? Nobody. Except a disgusting stereotype. Writers, I am ashamed.

Back in the store, Jackson is starting to freak out. He is looking around the store, trying to find the employee's killer before it can sneak up on him, when he sees a flash of a hideous wolf face (seriously, these special effects are kind of bad) with glowing red eyes. He quickly hides behind the nearest shelf (in front of several copies of "Let The Right One In" - I see what you did there, guys), and peers around the corner in time to see a Dramatic Werewolf Blur. (You know, where the indistinct object moves rapidly from one side of the screen to the other.) He seems relieved that it didn't see him, but then it runs between some of the shelves behind them, knocking down DVD's in the process. (Two Werewolf Blurs in one scene. I am impressed.)

He looks back again, just as the werewolf knocks over one of the shelves, creating a domino effect that is heading straight for Jackson. Just as the shelf he's hiding behind starts to fall, he tries to jump away, but he only half makes it - his legs are pinned under the shelf. He tries to pull himself out, but it's no use - and then he hears the ominous breathing of the werewolf.

Fortunately, it turns out that the Alpha has no interest in Jackson, and just scares him a little bit before making a dramatic exit through the front window. This, Lydia notices. Way to go, Lydia.

(But seriously, that's it? Not even a drive-by nomming, xe just bails. This makes me think that there was some extra motivation in killing the video store owner in particular. Werewolf political squabble, maybe.)

Cue splash screen.

When the show resumes, Stiles and his dad are sitting in Dad's police cruiser, eating fast food. While they talk about eating fast food.

Dad: Did I forget the curly fries?
Stiles: You're not supposed to eat fries. Especially the curly ones.
Dad: I'm carrying a lethal weapon. If I want the curly fries, I will have the curly fries.

This brilliant display of comic writing is interrupted by a call from some other polices, reporting a possible murder. This piques both of their attentions, but when they arrive at the video store, Stiles' dad tells him to stay in the car. So he scopes out the scene from his seat, sees Jackson gesticulating about something, and decides to listen in.

In a nutshell, Jackson wants to go home and isn't happy that he has to stay and receive medical treatment. He gets into an argument about it with Stiles' dad, and as he becomes more enraged refers to him as a "minimum-wage rent-a-cop." Yeouch.

From the roof, Derek and Scott are watching the scene. After questioning from Scott, Derek explains that the serial-killer schtick isn't typical behavior for a werewolf, and that they have to figure out why the alpha has gone on a spree. As they leave, some ominous music plays, and a strange, glowing reddish spiral appears on the roof, similar to the wolfsbane spiral that Derek had installed around the remains of his sister. But this one isn't made of rope; Minecraft players may note that it looks more like a redstone circuit.

Back at Derek's house, Scott declares that he needs to go home and do his homework. Derek disagrees; they bicker. Basically, Scott's running out of time. It's only a week until the next full moon, and at that time Derek says the Alpha will try and force Scott to kill again - and if he fails, he will kill Scott instead. Scott is reluctant, but decides to go with it.

First it's time for some Werewolf 101. Derek starts out by explaining to Scott how to force himself to stay in/return to human form. As demonstration, he crushes Scott's hand. This gives Scott a sad, but provides an object lesson: pain induces and preserves humanity. Scott's hand rights itself, 'cause it's an awesome werewolf hand, and Derek heads off to bed.

The next day, Allison is getting ready for school when dear Aunt Kate decides to drop in. She apologizes for her behavior the other night (Allison and Scott's botched study date). Why, I don't know, since Mr. Argent was the one being weird, but anyway. To apologize, she gives Allison her birthday present early. It's a funky old necklace, a family heirloom, with a pendant in the shape of a shield with a barking dog on it. Or possibly a wolf. Probably a wolf. The smith didn't do a very good job.

Kate tells Allison to look up the symbol if she ever wants to know more about her family. They chat and hug, and Allison heads to school.

At school, Allison opens her locker and a bunch of helium-filled balloons come flying out. She crams them back in quickly, reads the birthday card that someone stuck on her locker door, and seems unhappy about it. Scott sees her and asks if it's her birthday. She denies it at first, but then tells him that it is, and explains that she wasn't going to tell anyone. Scott asks her why, and she tells him it's because she's seventeen. He's surprised at first, but realizes that she's older because all of the moving she'd done in the past forced her to repeat a year. Allison is pleased with Scott's insight and understanding and gives him smoochies. He asks her why, and she explains that everyone who's ever learned how old she was has subsequently harassed her with imaginative (and inaccurate) guesses about why she's back a grade, and Scott's the only one to get it right.

Scott is sympathetic, and to save her from going through it again, he proposes that they skip school. Allison is hesitant, but agrees.

In class, the teacher announces that there will be parent-teacher conferences that night and that everyone with lower than a C+ average will be required to attend.

Teacher: "I won't name you, because the shame and self-disgust should be more than enough punishment."

Just then, he notices that Scott is missing. He asks about him, but no one knows where he is. Just then, Jackson enters the class. He looks like he hasn't slept all night, and the teacher tells him that if he needs to leave for any reason, just to let him know.

This is obviously meant to show what a Bad Teacher this guy is. He's giving Jackson Special Treatment! Well, I call bollocks. Judging by his behavior, Jackson was obviously quite traumatized by the attack in the video store, and regardless of how much of a dick he is (which is to say, not very much, since he mostly makes vague threats at Scott), he deserves the time and space he needs to recover.

The teacher then snarks at Stiles for overusing the highlighter marker in his textbook.

Once the teacher is no longer paying attention, Stiles turns to the student next to him and asks if he knows what happened to Jackson. Oh my stars, it's Danny! Danny the invisible gay goalie! Five episodes in we actually get to see his face. And he is not even a white guy! The shock! The horror! The Twofer Token Minority!

(Speaking of token minorities, I haven't seen the black student around in a while. Wonder what she's up to.)

Anyway, Stiles gets so caught up in trying to get his question answered that he blurts out: "Do you find me attractive?" Danny gives him a weird look, and he suddenly realizes what he's just asked in front of the entire science class and falls off his stool. Oh noes, someone might think that Stiles is gay! Whatever shall we do?

(There's only one thing for it: date Danny. That will fix everything, yes it will. Come on, Stiles, I know you dig his adorable face.)

Well, it doesn't really matter. There are more important things to focus on, like Scott and Allison skipping school. Allison is worried that this might be a bad idea, since they could get into trouble (no, really?), but they don't have time to argue, as a police car flashing a siren is pulling in. Scott tells Allison to start the car and get leaving, and she is confused but complies.

I love the way Scott shuts down Allison's hesitation by asking her if she always does what her dad tells her. And by "love" I mean "despise." So, you get her to do what you want by shaming her for doing what someone else wants? Really? What about Allison's autonomy? What about the fact that she may not want to face a confrontation with her dad, and she has the right to choose not to? Once again, Allison is written as nothing more than the site of a power struggle between Scott and Mr. Argent. I probably don't have to say it, but this is sexist.

Meanwhile, Jackson is in the school locker room (in nothing but a towel - hello, Mr. Fanservice) trying to keep it together. It seems that last night's attack has traumatized him a lot. He also has the wounds on his neck from where Derek wolfclawstabbed him, and they seem to be causing a lot of pain.

Then, as he's doing something at his locker, he looks into the shower steam and sees a pair of glowing red eyes. Jackson freaks out, and expects to be attacked again, but it turns out it's just another classmate, and the "eyes" were red lights on his headphones. Jackson relaxes - until the student leaves, and he turns and sees Derek.

Panicking, he tells Derek that he doesn't know where Scott is. But Derek says he's not here for Scott; he's here for Jackson. (Plz to resist the imagination of Scott/Derek/Jackson werewolf threesomes, brain.) He asks Jackson what he saw at the video store, but Jackson - shaking and sweating from nerves - claims that he didn't see anything. Derek tells him to calm down and repeat himself, then uses his super-werewolf-lie-detecting skills to ascertain whether Jackson is lying or not. He then turns Jackson's head to look at the claw marks on his neck and tells him he should get them checked out.

As Derek leaves, a terrified Jackson fights a panic attack.

In school, after the next bell rings, Stiles manages to call Scott on his cell phone. Scott is in Allison's car with her (apparently his idea of playing hooky is a road trip in the vicinity of Beacon Hills?) He tells Scott what's been going on with Jackson, and that he has to "do something about" the things that have been going on. Scott says that he'll do something later, then instructs Allison to make a left turn. She turns sharply, instinctively reaching out and grabbing Scott to keep him from being thrown out of the seat. Afterward, she apologizes.

Allison: "I totally soccer-mom'd you."
Scott: "That's okay; we'll just pick up my masculinity on the way back."

Excuse me? Since when does someone (even a woman) trying to protect you from harm constitute a loss of masculinity? Way to sexism, Scott. Way. To. Sexism.

They pull off deeper into the forest (a la Twilight) and start walking. Allison is apparently sending a text message to someone to create an alibi, and Scott says that if they get caught he'll just say it was all his fault. Allison argues that it was her choice, too (albeit a choice she was coerced into making, which she does not mention). Scott jokes that that's good, because then he can just blame her (way to go, Scott), which leads straight into flirting and eventual het smoochies.

The scene shifts to Lydia's room, where she is lying on her bed, listening to music, and staring at her fingernails. Oh, and she has a stuffed animal, too, in case she wasn't cliché enough. (Not that I'm knocking stuffed animals - I have several of them - but come on.) There's a knock on her door, and her mom tells her that Stiles is here to see her. Lydia is not overly impressed by his arrival. She is also drugged (her mother says she "took something to help with her nerves") and laying in a sexy pose on the bed in skimpy clothes.

Stiles just wants to make sure she's all right (so he says), but Lydia in her drugged state can't help but have him sit on her bed and feel him up. (Remember, sparrows, Lydia's an oversexed whore and don't you ever forget it!) Stiles realizes that she's drugged and ignores her advances (oh, wow, yay, so chivalrous), and when they start talking Lydia lets slip that she saw something the night before. Stiles asks her what she saw, but she insists it was a mountain lion. Then she falls asleep on his leg and gives him a raging boner.

This situation just bothers me. The writers of this show have absolutely no problems with putting its female characters into compromising position after compromising position and relying on the male characters to do the right thing and keep them safe, and that is really getting annoying.

Speaking of which, Scott and Allison are walking through the forest when Allison slips on a log and Scott rescues her. Masculinity re-acquired! Allison has the same thought, then starts to send a text message to Lydia. Scott stops her and tells her that since his cell phone is off, hers has to be too. Never mind that as a woman walking alone in the woods with a man she's only known for a couple of weeks, Allison has every right to keep her cell phone on (and should have told someone where she is, for that matter) - it must not interrupt this Romantic Moment. Allison asks him to just let her send one text message, and like a good manipulator he relents.

Back in Lydia's room, she's awake again. Stiles, feeling awkward, decides to leave, but Lydia tells him to stay. Stiles is all too thrilled to comply - especially when she starts stroking his face - but when she calls him "Jackson" and passes out again, it kills his boner.

Then she gets a text message. Stiles tries to read it for her, but he doesn't know how to operate her phone, and ends up pressing the wrong button. This causes an accidental video recording from the night before to start playing, and in it he sees the werewolf. He bolts.

Kate, meanwhile, has been busy. She's rounded up a couple of Mr. Argent's minions and brought them to Derek's house. One of the minions reminds her that Argent wanted them to wait, but she says that it's fine as long as they don't kill him.

Inside, Derek is working out shirtless (dig the swirly tattoo and 'roid physique), and just to show off how badass he is he does some one-handed pushups. His personal time is interrupted, however, when his workout music stops, and one of the hunters kicks his door open. He's not visible, but Kate insists that he's there somewhere. One of the hunters makes a bad dog joke, and Kate calls him out on it, then decides to show him how to insult Derek properly. This works, and also results in said hunter getting kicked to the wall.

Derek is here, and he wastes no time going Wolverine on their asses. Kate, however, came prepared. When he gets close, she shocks him with some kind of super anti-werewolf cattle prod, and he goes down, writhing on the floor in shirtless agony.

Kate: "Wow. This one grew up in all the right places. I don't know whether to kill it or lick it."

While I have to agree with at least part of that sentiment, this does not succeed at being not creepy. I mean, for once it's a woman in the powerful part of the dynamic, but she's not wasting the chance to flaunt her prejudice and privilege, calling Derek an "it" and implying that she can do whatever she wants with him just because he's a werewolf (or, in other words, less of a real person than she is). I will admit this is realistic - so realistic that it's disturbing. But I wonder if people will draw the necessary parallels between this and similar situations that have gone on in real life. (Hint, guys: this actually happens to trans women.)

Meanwhile, Stiles is in his bedroom trying to get Scott on the phone so he can tell him about the video. When Scott doesn't answer, Stiles gets cheesed off and threatens to kill him. (In a non-serious way, of course, but... yeah. That's always a good way to keep a friendship; death threats.) In the midst of it, his dad comes in and asks if he's going to hear good news at the parent-teacher conference. Stiles says it depends on how his dad defines good news, but of course Dad has Unrealistic Expectations. He leaves, and Stiles continues to not get called by Scott.

This, of course, is because Scott's busy clowning around the forest with Allison. They're walking on some rocks when Scott slips and Allison rescues him. A second or so later, Allison slips and Scott catches her, but not long afterward they both slip, and have to hold each other up. It's actually pretty adorable. They kiss, spend some more time bonding in the woods, kiss some more, etc. Meanwhile, Stiles gives up on finding Scott and deletes the video from Lydia's phone.

Kate, still at Derek's house, watches gleefully as he tries to get up. He can't wolf out, of course - which we would not know if Derek hadn't explained the pain-humanity relationship to Scott earlier. Oh, writers, you are so subtle.

Kate is so sadistic that when Derek tries to crawl onto his couch, she zaps him again, and brags about her 9,000 volt cattle prod (in case you were wondering how much electricity a grown werewolf can take). She then starts talking about Derek's sister, and tells him that the hunters didn't actually kill her. Derek is skeptical, but Kate tells him to use his Super Werewolf Lie-Detecting Power and then takes the opportunity to whisper suggestively (or threateningly - probably both) in his ear. Long story short, she's telling the truth, the Alpha was the one who killed Derek's sister, and she thinks they should team up to go after xem. Except that Derek doesn't know who xe is, so she decides to kill him instead. He sees it coming and escapes just as she shoots the place up with an automatic.

Once he's sure he's safe, he stops, and stares back toward his house, looking confused and angry. The camera gives several well-lit money-shots of his shirtless torso, natch.

Over at the animal clinic, the veterinarian is also trying to call Scott, who is now an hour late for work. He doesn't answer, so the vet hangs up; just then, Stiles' Dad The Sheriff walks in with more photographs. The vet reminds him that he's not an expert, but Sheriff Stilinsky has something more than bite marks: a few frames of video from a surveillance camera near the video store. And they certainly aren't showing a mountain lion. What they do show is the werewolf leaping through the window and reverting to human form. The vet agrees that this is a problem, but says he cannot identify the animal and besides he has to go take care of the sick Doberman.

Back in the woods, Scott and Allison are finally done romping around and are coming back to her car. (I'm assuming Scott used his werewolf powers to find it in the dark, because otherwise I got nothing.) Allison tells Scott that she's had a perfect birthday. They hetbond, but then Allison mentions the parent-teacher conference and Scott realizes that he has to be there.

At school, the science teacher is talking to Jackson's parents about his performance (while, elsewhere, Jackson is getting drunk and trying to hit a target with a lacrosse ball). During the discussion, it comes out that Jackson was adopted, and because of this feels a need to be as perfect as possible so that he can feel like his biological parents are proud of him. Now, I'm not adopted, but I am intimately familiar with feeling the drive to please one's parents to the point where it becomes self-destructive, and I have a lot of sympathy for him.

Lydia's parents, meanwhile, are learning that their daughter is a brilliant student with a lot of potential, while Lydia is at home putting on makeup to hide the signs of the trauma and stress she's been under.

Stiles' dad talks to the coach (hello again, you). They end up discussing Stiles' first name, which has not been revealed so far. And it continues to be unrevealed, but we do learn that he was named for his grandfather and that white American douchebags can't pronounce it. The coach also says that Stiles is brilliant and has an incredible ability for dedication, but his inability to focus (the reason he takes Adderall, no doubt) is causing problems. Stiles, meanwhile, is in his bedroom looking up the Hale house fire and related stuff, implying that perhaps his problem isn't a lack of concentration so much as a tendency to concentrate on things that his teachers do not consider important.

Scott's mom also ends up talking to the science teacher, which she is forced to do without Scott since he's still trying to get there. The teacher explains that Scott hasn't been paying attention, and insinuates that this is because he doesn't have a man guiding him. This sexist bullshit goes un-called out, but Scott's mother asserts that they are better off without his dad (since they are in fact divorced - I can't remember if I mentioned that before). He does later explain that what he meant was that Scott could use a man to help him through puberty, while Scott (still in Allison's car) shows off the neat shade of yellow that his eyes flash in the headlights of oncoming cars.

Allison's teacher - the same nameless, never-before-seen black woman who did Lydia's interview - says that things are going well, but because of her history of moving around, her parents should probably expect some teenage rebellion. Mr. Argent and his wife assure the teacher that they have a very open and trusting relationship with their daughter - and then learn she skipped school without their knowledge. Dun dun dun.

Allison is parking her car at school just as Scott sees his mother walk out of the building, trying to call him. He hides in the car. A while later, Mr. Argent is heard leaving a message on Allison's phone, telling her that if she doesn't call him "the punishment will reach Biblical proportions." I love it when he talks dirty. Scott's mom and Allison's parents meet up, and each learns that the other's child is not answering their phone, and come to the logical conclusion. They start to blame each other for their children's absence, but they're cut off when Scott and Allison get out of Allison's car. Scott's mother walks up and starts questioning him; Allison tries to defend him when her parents show up and prepare to take her home. Before this can happen, though, they hear a scream.

Elsewhere in the parking lot, people are frantically getting into their cars, and Scott goes to investigate. He uses his wolf-o-vision to try to find the source of the distress, but is distracted when he sees a car about to hit Allison. He grabs her and pulls her out of the way in true Edward Cullen style (except without the "throwing her on the ground and possibly causing a concussion" part), then continues to look around. It turns out there's a wild animal running around the parking lot, and in the confusion Stiles' dad does get hit by a car. (He's all right, though.) He pulls out his gun, but before he can shoot, Mr. Argent fires his own gun, and calmly strides over to the now-dead (and badly shooped) mountain lion.

Mr. Argent, Allison, Scott, Rocky, and Janet all exchange some tense glances (well, except for the last two), and the episode ends.

So. Final comments?

Well, this episode had enough hetero creepiness for an entire romance movie. Yeesh. I am sick to the teeth of Allison's "decisions' basically boiling down to "will she do what Scott wants, or what Dad wants?"

I am happy to see Danny at last, and I really, really hope that he (as well as some of the other tertiary characters) gets some more screen time. And smoochies, please. Gay smoochies.

I enjoyed the parent-teacher conference sequence. It was nice to see the Designated Antagonists treated as though they had a little humanity for a change, and to finally learn some things about the characters that I can actually relate to. I can't speak to how accurate Jackson's portrayal is to someone who is actually in that situation (adopted and never knew their biological parents), but at the risk of repeating myself and make it all about my biological-parents-raised self, it felt good to see someone with the same hang-up as me shown (and in a sympathetic light, not a "so that's why you're the best scientist who ever was" context).

I enjoyed the fanservice. No shirtless Scott this time (which is fine by me; he's still a baby werewolf) but Jackson and Derek have enough torsal beauty for six or seven Scotts so it's all cool.

Is Jackson a werewolf, or are the writers trying to make me think he is by throwing in misleading scenes that otherwise don't make any sense? (Not like they would ever do that, nope nope nope.) Time will tell.

I am sick to death of watching Scott and Allison date. They are having the most boring relationship I have ever seen. What have we seen them actually do together? Talk about mindless crap, touch each other lovingly, and kiss. They're not building a relationship on anything useful, like shared interests or compatible personalities - they're building it on their mutual ability to be gorgeous and act romantic toward one another. This is not how real relationships work. I think that someone else also touched on this (just checked - that was me in my last post), but they could have been talking about Bella Swann and Edward Cullen...

...speaking of which, I was not going to compare this show to Twilight, but I have given up now that it is abundantly clear they are ripping it off. No joke. First the protagonists go romping in the forest together, and then Scott saves Allison from getting hit by a car? Why don't you just make your werewolves sparkle in the sunlight and be done with it, MTV? You people suck.

Not that that will stop me from catching the next episode. I am dedicated to Colton Haynes justice.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Women's products advertisements are for privileged women only.

I've been sick lately, which means I've been watching a lot of stuff on Hulu. And since my gender on Hulu is still set to "female," I get a lot of ads for products geared toward women. Products like KY Intense, menstrual pads (y'know, if you don't want to think about your pad you might consider a cup), yadda.

And what I've noticed is that all of these ads are geared toward straight women.

Take the KY Intense commercials, for instance. It's being marketed as "specially formulated to create female satisfaction" (whatever that means). Yet in every commercial I've seen, it shows a man and a woman (clearly married) discussing how much better it has made their sex lives.

I'm all for women's sexuality being shown in a positive light, really. The general message of these ads - that women deserve to be satisfied in bed - is a good one. However, while the sexualities of straight, cisgender, thin, white, married women are being encouraged, the sexualities of virtually every other kind of women are being erased.

For instance, all of the couples are cis and hetero. Despite the fact that the marketing of this product has, ostensibly, nothing to do with testosterone-fueled penis bearers, you can find one in every single commercial. Two women having sex using KY Intense and having a great time? Unheard of. A het couple wherein both members have estrogen-fueled bodies and vulvae? Unheard of. (Not that I'd expect to see that in this day and age, but erasure is erasure.) I am left uncertain, as well, as to the usefulness of this product for trans women of varying body types. Since the product is "clinically proven to enhance female satisfaction," I assume that it was specifically formulated to work on womb-generated vulvae and left at that. Given that we are at a point where trans women are visible and being recognized as women, it would be great of KY to try to include them in this shallow quest to make a buck.

All of the couples have been white, as well. The sexual satisfaction of black women, Asian women, etc.? Doesn't matter. Well, it matters inasmuch as "they'll see the ads and buy this product too, so we're good" but that's it. There's no real interest in promoting the idea that there are happily married non-white couples out there, having gratingly traditional hetero sex and using KY Intense to make things more pleasurable. I don't know that I have the depth of information necessary to explain why this is so harmful, but it has to do with stereotypes regarding black people never getting married, and Asian men being emasculate/feminine. Basically, they're not considered physically capable of engaging in a "normal" relationship.

And, of course, they are all thin, young, and able-bodied. Heaven forbid we hear about fat, old, and/or disabled people having any kind of sex life - much less talking about it on television. Sex is gross if the people involved aren't perfect.

(And they're all couples. Despite the fact that a woman might want to get some "female satisfaction" without a partner. I guess solo sex is still too nasty for TV.)

For other ads, this becomes even more grating as there are even fewer reasons to put the woman in a relationship, yet she somehow manages to hook up with Mr. Wealthy McCisgender every time. An ad for menstrual pads, for instance, includes a woman saying good-night to her lantern-jawed white date at the end of the night, while fantasizing about giving him smoochies. Ads for other products show our thin, frequently white heroine preparing dinner for her family, roughhousing with her children, and arguing with her husband - all expressions of privilege in some way or another. Not every family is white - for better or worse, black folks have garnered a position as the other "American" race and appear infrequently. Yet we never see a man of Asian descent playing the dim-witted, meat-chomping foil who fails to detect his wife's yogurt. We never see a mother in a wheelchair sharing a special moment with her child. Never an old woman preparing dinner. God forbid we have some combination of these.

Even as young, white, thin, able-bodied, straight, married, cisgender women are being oppressed by many of these ads, every other kind of woman is being erased.

There's one exception that I know of - the Hamburger Helper commercial, which is a completely disgusting and exploitative piece showing why poor single moms should stop eating fast food, which is making them fat, and buy someone else's unnecessary product instead. Good times, yo.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Teen Wolf Review: Part Six - Episode 4

Another week, another Teen Wolf episode. Let's see what the writers throw at me this time.

Before I begin, I'd like to mention that I also think the show is foreshadowing Mr. Argent as the alpha werewolf. Which means that they're doing fairly obvious foreshadowing or decent misdirection, or they honestly don't know what they have. Time will tell which it is.

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

The episode opens with an unknown woman driving in her car, listening to the news on the radio. The announcer mentions the recent animal attacks in Beacon Hills, and she snorts, changes the channel to music, and just to show how cool and "not paying attention to anything" she is, she freshens up her lipstick in the rearview mirror. As she enters a badly-lit, industrial-looking part of town, a dark, shadowy figure moves quickly in the foreground. Dun dun dun.

Cut back to inside the car, where now you can see through the driver's side window. As the lady drives on unconcerned, some kind of hairy humanoid thing with glowing red eyes runs alongside her, keeping up perfectly with the vehicle and being very, very freaky. Seriously, I just shat brix. As it keeps running, it shapeshifts into a full wolf. So, whoever it is, it's probably the Alpha that Derek told Scott about last episode.

The creature disappears, and the woman starts to become nervous and look around. She doesn't find anything, but after checking in the backseat she turns back just in time to see an oncoming vehicle and barely avoid a collision. After stopping, she collects herself and is just about to start driving when she hears a thump on the roof. Seconds later, clawed hands reach down and grab her, but she is able to pull out a gun and shoot her assailant. She then makes an impressive exit out of the car, shouts "Come on!" and fires another shot.

Surprise! Lady is a werewolf hunter. And a pretty good one, by the look of it.

Cue splash screen.

When we resume, the hunter is nowhere to be seen (doggonit!) Instead, we're back in Scott's bedroom, and he is in bed. He wakes up for some unknown reason, and is about to go to sleep when he hears a wolf howling. This prompts him to get out of bed and grab his pants.

Back to the hunter. Since the werewolf who attacked her hasn't come back yet, she takes advantage of the free time to trade out her gun for a full-on assault rifle and some special bullets. We know they're special because she keeps them in an old wooden box.

At the Argent's home, Allison gets up to find her dad fully clothed and leaving. (Apparently there's a convention tonight.) She asks him what he's doing, and he tells her that her aunt called, is stranded on the road with a flat tire, and needs to be picked up. Since we never saw the hunter call anyone, I can assume that he also heard the howl.

Flash to... Derek. He's stalking the werewolf who was shot, and tracks it to some old buildings. It's currently in semi-wolf form - more wolven than Scott, so it rather resembles Bigfoot. It hisses at him and tries to escape, but the roofs in the area are no match for Derek's super-gymnastics and he follows it. Meanwhile, the hunter takes off from her car, presumably in the same general direction.

Derek runs across several roofs until the hunter, trying to take down the werewolf who attacked her, shoots and hits him. He goes down (all the way to the pavement, in fact), and she prepares to go and check on him - but then who should arrive but Mr. Argent? He tells her to put away her assault rifle and get in the car, and while they're arguing Derek escapes. He is still shotted though.

Scott has just arrived on the scene, and as he listens from a safe distance, Argent and the newcomer (who really is his sister, it turns out) argue about the whole shooting-werewolves thing. Mr. Argent doesn't want to kill the werewolves, because the alpha is likely to lead him to Scott/Derek, or vice versa. Ms. Argent argues that she had to defend herself. Mr. Argent asks "how long will it take?" She says "I give him forty-eight hours, if that." Dun dun dun.

Derek drags himself to a reasonably safe place and stops to take a look at his wound. He's been shot in the arm (apparently you don't have to have awesome aim to kill werewolves), and the bullet hole is glowing blue and smoking a lot. Derek is so upset that he doesn't stare at anything.

The next day at the Argent home, Allison sees her aunt unpacking in a guest room and the two have an ecstatic reunion. Allison's aunt makes annoying, misogynist, heterosexist "compliments" about her figure (did you know that if you're thin and have breasts, you should have half a dozen men killing each other for the right to pork you? Totes true!)

Allison volunteers to help her aunt unpack, but reaches for the wrong bag, eliciting an emergency "kung fu death grip." Her aunt apologizes. Allison says it's fine, then asks about the car trouble, and her aunt says that she just needed a jump start. Whoops.

At school, Scott's tense, mid-class leg-jiggling is interrupted by Stiles, who wants to talk about Derek and the alpha and other such subjects. Scott doesn't actually have any useful information, though, and Stiles' repeated prodding eventually startles the other classmates. They break it up just in time to get their test results. Stiles got an A, whereas Scott has a depressing D-. Stiles tells him that he'll make it up (apparently Scott usually has better grades, something that no protagonist is allowed to have for any length of time), and offers to help him study. Scott tells him that he's studying with Allison. Stiles asserts that he will not, in fact, just be "studying."

Scott: It's not?
Stiles: Not if I'm going to live vicariously through you.

In case you were wondering, Stiles' face appears in the dictionary next to the word "sidekick," and relevant phrases are "pathetic" and "creepy." I wish that television writers would at least try not to glamorize their protagonists through the relative failures of their best friends for once. Come to think of it, that's probably why I liked LOST so much.

Anyway, Stiles tells Scott that if he doesn't do more than study he will be in a lot of trouble (from Stiles, specifically), and Scott caves. What. But at least Stiles agrees to stop bothering him about Derek.

Speaking of Derek, he's currently staring at his feet as he minces down the halls of Scott's school. Apparently dying has really taken the edge off his ability to be terrifying. He notices Jackson and, recognizing this particular piece of man-meat from the lacrosse field, approaches him and asks about Scott. Jackson turns it on him, agreeing to help only if Derek gets him some steroids already (oh, Jackson, you never give up). This despite the fact that Derek is pale and bleeding, which Jackson attributes to the same steroids. Derek is in no mood to mess around and starts to leave; Jackson tries to pull him back and gets a neck full of werewolf claws for his trouble.

Derek staggers off and decides to listen for Scott instead. He manages to overhear a conversation between Allison and Lydia, where he learns that Scott will be at Allison's house after school.

In the same conversation, Lydia tells Allison almost exactly the same things that Stiles told Scott (without the weird overtones), and advises her to get a condom. Lydia doesn't think that will be necessary; given her and Scott's personalities, she's probably right. Might want some silver though.

Allison says she's not really sure what to do because she always moved around too much to have a boyfriend (no surprise there; no matter what Argent's schtick is, it's not the kind of lifestyle that is conducive to staying in one place).

Derek's listening is interrupted by the untimely, and painful, ringing of the school bell.

After school, Stiles is in the midst of leaving when his Jeep bumps into Derek. Scott notices and runs over to investigate. Derek tells Scott that he was shot and hasn't been able to heal, and Scott remembers what the hunter said the night before about "forty-eight hours" and puts the pieces together. Derek Josses the idea of a silver bullet being effective, despite that being the one piece of folklore that actually has roots outside cinema. Well, poop.

Derek's eyes start flashing uncontrollably. Meanwhile, his presence in the middle of the parking lot is holding up most of the other students - including Allison and Jackson, who get out of their respective cars. (Sheesh, does everyone except for Scott own their own friggin' wheels in this universe?) Thinking quickly, Scott gets Derek into Stiles' car. Derek tells Scott to find out what kind of bullet was used to shoot him; since Allison is related to the hunter, he figures Scott can use his study date to gather information. Scott agrees reluctantly.

Stiles drives safely away with Derek, but Allison shows up and wants to know why Scott is fraternizing with him. He deflects the question by asking about their study date; Allison tells him that it's still on. He kisses her and goes for his bike. As Scott is getting ready to leave, he notices Jackson staring at him. Looks like somebody's taking creeper lessons from Derek.

Scott pedals frantically to Allison's house and arrives at exactly the same time she does. Since she came by car, this arouses her suspicions, but Scott again evades answering with a masterful combination of lies and deflection.

Just before entering the room, Scott hesitates, and the camera shows dramatic shots both of Scott's feet standing behind the threshold, and Scott's feet passing over the threshold. This is critical stuff, here.

Allison takes Scott up to her room. He's ready to start studying, but she has taken Lydia's advice to heart and starts putting the moves on him. This goes great until, of course, Scott starts to transform. Allison asks him what's wrong, and Scott tells her "I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do." Well, be that as it may, Scott, as long as she doesn't know you're a werewolf that's exactly what you're doing. She might be giving consent, but the fact that she doesn't know what it is that she's consenting to makes you the predator. Way to go, guy.

It's moot for now, anyway. Allison has just started to kiss him again when his cell phone starts ringing. It's Stiles. Scott waits for it to go to voicemail and sends a text back: "Need more time."

Stiles, who is rapidly becoming acquainted with the joys of having a bleeding werewolf in his car, tries to take Derek to his (Derek's) house, but Derek won't have any of it. They pull over and argue for a while; Derek claims that he has a "last resort" that he can use if Scott isn't able to help him, and takes the opportunity to show off his wound. Stiles grosses out and threatens to throw Derek out of the car, but Derek tells him to start the car or he'll rip Stiles' throat out with his teeth. It may or may not be an empty threat, but he turns on the engine anyway.

Back at Allison's place, Scott turns off his phone, then sees a photograph of Allison's aunt and dad together and asks about it. The aunt's name is Kate, by the way, so I can stop calling her "Mr. Argent's sister/Ms. Argent" now. Allison tells Scott that she arrived the night before and had some car trouble, and he realizes that she is in fact the hunter and tells Allison that she looks familiar. She brushes it off, and they start going through some of Allison's old artwork instead. It's all pretty bad, so Scott asks Allison to show him what she is good at.

So she does. She takes him to the garage and pulls out a bigass compound bow. Aw, yeah - Allison ain't no pushover; she is armed and dangerous. Scott, remembering that he is dating the daughter of the werewolf hunter and noticing a large number of weapons around the place, is appropriately cowed.

Remembering his instructions from Derek, Scott goes to check out the gun case. Allison comes over and tells him that her dad sells guns to law enforcement. This leads to flirting, and kissing, and then Allison's dad comes in with a cardboard box and they hide behind the car.

He catches them crouched back there, and because he is J.R. Bourne For Crying Out Loud, just asks if they would mind helping to get the groceries in. Scott: 0, Mr. Argent: Infinity.

Scott has just retrieved the last of the grocery bags when he gets a text message from Stiles that says Derek's going downhill. (Come to think of it, where are they? A subject that was no doubt less important than watching our leads make out.) Now that they're all done, Dad is ready to send Scott to the road, but Kate has other designs and invites him for dinner instead. Mr. Argent is surprisingly okay with this, and gives Scott a friendly squeeze that is loaded with threatening subtext.

I think I'm in love.

Dinner at the Argents' is awkward. Dad tries to get Scott to accept an alcoholic drink, but he refuses. Allison thinks he's trying to sniff Scott out for moral failures, but I have the suspicion that he's sniffing out a werewolf. Or not; next he asks Scott if he smokes pot. But knowing Mr. Argent, this is a brilliant tactic to disguise his werewolf-sniffing attempts.

(Oh, hi, Mrs. Argent! I forgot you existed in this universe. Nice to hear your one line.)

Kate changes the subject to lacrosse, which goes well until Mr. Argent brings up Scott's odd behavior during the last game and insinuates that he only made the shot because the goalie's stick was damaged. (Dang it, dude, do you ever say anything that is not perfectly calculated for werewolf detection?)

Everyone gets tense, and Scott loosens things up with a well-timed joke about the shot of tequila that Mr. Argent offered him earlier. The padawan learns fast, I see. (Although he's got a long way to go to catch up with Dad.)

Later on, Scott talks to Stiles on the phone. Apparently he's been sitting in his Jeep with Derek all this time. (Also, dying werewolves smell terrible.) Scott relates his lack of luck - he couldn't find the bullet because Mr. Argent kept several boxes of them, among other things which he did not share - and Derek reminds him of his impending death. Scott doesn't think that would be so bad, until Derek reminds him that the Alpha once dragged him out at night without his knowledge. He says that the next time said Alpha does this, he will force Scott to kill with him (evidently the ultimate in werewolf bonding) or else kill him. Taking this into consideration, Scott tells Stiles to take Derek to the animal clinic (which is empty by now).

Scott gets back to trying to find the bullet, but when he opens a door it sets off an alarm and Kate finds him. He tells her he was trying to find the bathroom, and she sends him to the guest bedroom. (Apparently it has its own bath - one of those middle-class things that I'm not familiar with.) This actually works out to Scott's advantage, as he spots her duffel, decides to take a look-see, and finds her special box of treated bullets. (I knew keeping them in a distinct container was a bad idea.)

So I'm wondering: did Scott plan this? Did he exhibit an uncharacteristic ability to manipulate other people, Dad-style, and use it on Kate? Probably not. More likely he just didn't notice that the Suspicious-Looking Door had an actual alarm on it.

Scott takes one of the bullets from the box, then notices some writing on its lid, which he decides to translate using his smart phone's built-in translator. (Tell me again why I'm supposed to believe this kid is poor. Really, I'm listening.) Again he demonstrates a level of n00bishness that is horrifying. If he had spent any time reading Nancy Drew at all, he would have known that the safest course of action would be to send himself the writing as a text message, then translate it somewhere safe. But no, that's not our hero.

He zaps the text, which translates into "Nordic blue monkshood." For those who haven't spent hours obsessively studying werewolves, monkshood is another name for wolfsbane. Derek knows this, and tells Stiles as much once they get the text message from Scott. He also tells Stiles that Scott needs to bring him the bullet, because he will die without it. Because the only thing that will help a slow death by wolfsbane poisoning is a bullet with wolfsbane in it.

Scott tries to leave the Argents' house, but Kate insists that he stay for dessert and engage in more vapid conversation. That lasts for as long as it takes for Mr. Argent to open his mouth, of course. He turns a perfectly normal conversation about Scott's job into a detailed description of rabies, by which of course he means lycanthropy. The entire spiel turns into a rather badly-written justification of his werewolf hunter lifestyle, or perhaps a suggestion to Scott that he should put Derek out of his misery. Which it is depends on how much Argent knows. And he's the only one who knows how much he knows. Because he's Mr. Argent.

At the clinic, Derek finally reveals his "last resort" - if Scott doesn't get there in time, he's going to have Stiles cut off his arm. Sources tell me this is "hardcore." This is nonsense. If it were, he would cut off his own arm.

Scott is finally about to leave the Argents' house - again - when Kate ambushes him. At the door. Lady cannot get enough of this guy. Actually, she just wants to know who was going through her luggage. Busted! Or not - Allison confesses, and offers as proof a condom that she apparently stole earlier on.

Scott is outside and about to get on his bicycle before he realizes exactly what happened. Way to go, Scott.

Derek prepares to have his arm cut off, but Stiles has a serious case of Do Not Want. This is quickly remedied when Derek proves that he can, in fact, make good on his threats of violence. The latest of which is to take Stiles with him.

Stiles is just about to make the chop when Scott arrives. He freaks out, but delivers the bullet. Derek stares at it for a few seconds and then passes out, dropping the bullet down a convenient grate.

While Stiles checks on Derek, Scott goes after the bullet. His fingers can't quite reach to get it out, but he gets a sudden flash of inspiration, morphs wolf-claws, and uses them to get it. Stiles wakes Derek up by punching him, which he takes surprisingly well.

Derek pops the bullet open, ignites the gunpowder, and then stuffs the remains into his bullet hole. This causes dramatic glowing, screaming, and another trip to the floor, but after a few moments of agony his arm starts to heal.

Now that Derek is all better, Scott feels that he is owed something for saving him. He tells Derek to leave him alone and says he'll turn him in to the Argents if he doesn't. And that the Argents are nicer than Derek, which is true if by "nicer" he means "significantly less honest." Poor Scott is really a clueless young fellow.

So Derek decides to acquaint Scott with the less savory side of the Argents. He takes Scott to the local home for the mentally disabled and introduces him to his uncle, who is about as sociable as a bowl of fruit. He used to be a werewolf, but now he's pretty much a vegetable, because... his house burned down. Or something. The writers weren't very clear.

Anyway, Derek explains that the Argents were the ones who set the fire, killing not only the lycanthropic Hales but several humans as well. Which, I suppose, is what makes them truly evil; "setting people on fire" just doesn't cut it in some folks' minds.

After that, they get caught by one of the employees and leave. Back at her place, Allison is outside leaving a message on Scott's phone when she notices some strange powder on the ground. She investigates Kate's car and finds the evidence of the werewolf attack from the beginning of the episode. Well, it's clear which Teen Wolf protagonist watches all the crime procedurals.

In the house, Kate and Mr. Argent are discussing the same attack. Kate reveals to Mr. Argent that the werewolf she shot was not the one who attacked her, and Mr. Argent recognizes her description of Derek. The conversation confirms that he doesn't know Scott is a werewolf (although judging by his behavior through the entire episode, he's not ruling out the possibility).

End episode.

Okay. Whereas I thought the last episode was interesting, as things were getting meaty, I thought this one tried too hard to get meaty. I feel like they need to stop setting things up at this point (introducing new characters such as Kate) and start explaining more things. The fact that Mr. Argent killed Derek's family doesn't count, in my book; we already knew he was an evil hunter dude.

It doesn't look like Mr. Argent is going to turn out to be the alpha. Either the people making the sneak peeks were being deliberately misleading, or they just didn't realize what they were doing; either way, if he was, it would require a level of lies and nonsensical motives that I don't think even he is capable of. The only way he could still be the alpha is if he does, in fact, know that Scott is the werewolf, and is using Derek to get to Scott while lying to Kate about everything. But this seems unlikely.

Also, I am so bored watching Scott and Allison date. They are the most boring couple ever. What have they done together so far? Go bowling, and "study" (make out). I don't even. You know, writers, if you had given us Boof we wouldn't be in this situation right now.

Next week: somebody dies, Jackson gets attacked and gets weird. Lydia runs to Stiles for help! I told you the red string would catch up to those two eventually. How does this play out? Tune in next week to find out, only on The Label Game. Or MTV. Whichever.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Teen Wolf Review: Part Five - Notes On Lydia

Reading over my review from yesterday, I've realized something about the way I write about Lydia. That is, I'm very critical whenever she does or says something overly sexual, despite the fact that I'm not exactly shy about sharing my own feelings about the sexy guys of Teen Wolf. So I'd like to explain that.

It's not Lydia's sexuality that bugs me. It's the way the sexuality is part of her character. If Lydia were being portrayed as a teenager who just so happens to be sex-positive and not shy about it, that would be a good thing. A great thing, in fact. But she's not. Lydia is a stereotype. In addition to being The Bitch, as I mentioned in an earlier piece, she is The Slut - someone who has learned to use sex to get what she wants and is irrevocably socially damaged because of it. This is made clear by the kind of sexual behavior she exhibits. She flirts with Allison's dad, she flirts with Scott while he is out on a date with Allison, she finds a way to shoehorn blowjobs into a conversation about her boyfriend, etc. Basically, her Corrupted Slut Mind has no concept of when it is and is not appropriate to be sexual.

This is not a positive portrayal. It is slut shaming, plain and simple. Lydia's behavior contrasts with the good, wholesome Allison, who only flirts with one guy, would never ever talk casually about giving her boyfriend head, etc. - and is rewarded by becoming the girlfriend of the ultimate "good guy," Scott. Eventually they will have sex, but unlike Lydia, who doesn't even love Jackson (or so we are meant to believe), it will be wholesome (holesome?) missionary lovemaking of the most vanilla kind. Mark my words.

Besides, even Lydia's sexuality isn't that progressive. The focus on her giving Jackson blowjobs, and the way she describes it as some kind of sacrifice on her part, makes it clear that she gets no sexual gratification out of it. No, it's all about pleasuring men in exchange for social standing. This puts one in mind of an ancient stereotype - "lie back and think of England" - and does a great disservice to a character who is supposed to be so sexually charged, since her sex is not in fact about sex at all, but power.

Now, that part is not unrealistic in the slightest. When society tells women that their standing is based on which men are willing to fuck them and which ones do, it's perfectly natural for some women, even as young as Jessica, to decide "fuck it, if that's the game then I'm ready to play." What Teen Wolf fails to interrogate, however, is that this does not indicate a failure of Lydia's morals; it indicates a failure on the part of the larger culture to promote a society wherein a woman can be powerful without earning that power in bed.

Teen Wolf certainly isn't helping in that regard. While it's all too happy to shame Lydia for her actions, her "wholesome counterpart" ain't exactly rolling in the agency either. Sure, she made the decision to date Scott - under false pretenses. She does not know that Scott is a werewolf and that he could harm her, which means that she must rely on his judgment of when a situation is safe; she is essentially powerless to protect herself. Not only is that ridiculously sexist, but take into account the fact that her dating a guy who is lying to her and could kill her is being shown as the Right Kind Of Relationship - yeah, that's very healthy and sound. /sarcasm

Where was I? Oh, yes. Lydia.

Hair color plays a part in this as well. Lydia's Slutty Blonde is once again employed as a contrast to Allison's Wholesome Brunette. Do I have to say it? This reinforces prejudice against blonde white women. It reinforces the idea that blonde-ness means self-centredness, incapacity for true love, a willingness to do anything in bed. It means that blonde women will continued to be targeted for sexual harassment, assault, yadda, for the horrible sin of having fair hair. Every negative thing that is said about white women gains extra force when the victim is blonde.

In fact, that is basically the problem in a nutshell. Our society tends to view blonde as the most feminine of hair colors - and straight, blonde hair as the most feminine of hair - so when someone sees it on a woman, every prejudice that he has toward women (and Lydia's personality is certainly written by male prejudice) is magnified by her hair color.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Teen Wolf Review: Part Four - Episode Three

[Image description: Scott McCall, main character of MTV's Teen Wolf, flashing his fangs under his lacrosse helmet with a panicked expression on his face.]

Well, it's a week after MTV's Teen Wolf debuted, and another episode has aired. Let's see what the brilliant minds over at MTV have for us this time!

Warning: Spoilers ahead.




When last we saw Scott, he had successfully used his werewolf powers to win at lacrosse, but barely avoided getting caught. He also failed at getting Derrick tried for murder.

This week, the episode begins with Scott and Allison being giggly in the school parking lot after dark. Scott is taking Allison to one of the buses. She asks where he's taking her and he says, "Somewhere we can be alone." Stereotypical teenage naughtiness ahoy!

Scott, showing characteristic good judgment, decides it would be a fantastic idea to sneak into the back of one of the buses to make out. He leads Allison inside and, after making absolutely adorkable faces at each other (seriously - cutest couple ever), Scott starts putting the moves on Allison. As they kiss, happy music swells, little flying hearts leave a heart-shaped trail of hearts around their head, and the moon turns bright pink and becomes bigger in the sky.

Wait, wrong werewolf. No, for this kiss (which rapidly becomes a makeout session of epic teenage proportions), we just get happy music.

But things soon go horribly wrong, as Scott's nails start to grow into wolf claws. (Gee, who saw that coming? Well, everyone who saw this scene as a promo, for one. He realizes he's wolfing out and backs off, clutching his abdomen. Allison asks what's wrong; he tells her to get away. She doesn't, and he continues to transform.

Trying to figure out what's wrong with Scott, Allison receives a shock when he looks at her with his wolf face on. She starts to go for the door (in stunning wolf-o-vision), but he follows her, and when she runs he grabs her ankle and drags her back. Typical wolf behavior, that.

Ah, but Allison is not so easily caught. She delivers a stern kick into Scott's torso and bolts. The door is stuck, however. As she's trying to pry it open, Scott rips up one of the bus seats and throws it at her, though due to darkness and the seat bouncing around I'm not sure if it hit her. Then he comes after her, wraps his fingers over her mouth, and...

Cut to Scott and Stiles walking into school.

It was all a dream! Presumably it ended with Allison dying, but Scott isn't sure; what he is sure is that it felt extremely real and that bothers him. Stiles notes the timing - tonight is the night when Scott takes Allison out on a date, and Stiles believes he has a bad case of nerves. He tells Scott that he'll probably be fine and has been handling his lycanthropy very well considering he hasn't had any instruction. Scott muses that he could use a teacher. Stiles realizes that he's thinking of Derek, and says that asking him for help would be an extremely bad idea, especially considering their recent (successful) ploy to get him arrested. But Scott seems to think it's his only option. He re-emphasizes that the dream felt abnormally real, as if it could actually happen.

Then they exit the back of the school and see one of the buses, mauled, covered in bloody smears and being photographed.

Stiles comments: "I think it did."

Roll credits.

When the episode resumes, Scott is walking through school, searching frantically for Allison. Stiles tells him that she's probably okay and that the damaged bus could just be a coincidence, but Scott ignores him. As he becomes more and more panicked, his heart starts racing and his wolf powers kick in, culminating in him severely denting the door of a locker. He starts to calm down... and just then, Allison knocks into him from behind.

She says that he scared the Hell out of her (really? You bumped into him, lady.) They exchange pleasantries, and Scott stares in undisguised relief until the PA system kicks in. The school principal is on the line, letting everyone know that the recent bus massacre will not impede normal school functions. All are disappointed.

Allison and Scott agree to meet at lunch that day. Allison leaves, and Scott turns to see Jackson attempting to operate the locker he just punched. Scott finds this lulzy.

In chemistry class, Scott and Stiles continue to talk about the bus incident. Stiles suggests that Scott caught a rabbit and ate it.

Scott: "Raw?"
Stiles: "No, you stuffed it in a little werewolf oven and baked it."

I am imagining a werewolf-themed EZ-Bake oven. Eddie Munster so would have had one of those as a kid.

The teacher catches them talking and forces them to move to different seats. Scott ends up sitting right in front of Jackson, who is taking stinkeye lessons from Derek, apparently. Then the student next to Scott (the black girl from the first episode, in fact) announces that she thinks the investigators have found something. The students rush to the window to see paramedics moving a body into an ambulance. Scott notes that this is not a rabbit.

Suddenly the body sits up. It's some older dude, and he's panicked and screaming. Scott is horrified and backs away from the window. Stiles tells him that it's all right; the guy's not dead, so that's a good thing.

Scott responds: "Stiles. I did that."

They continue discussing the subject over lunch. Stiles insists that dreams aren't memories. Scott then decides that it wasn't a dream, and he just doesn't remember exactly what actually happened. The subject turns back to Derek. Stiles is still convinced that it's a bad idea to go to him, but Scott is more determined than ever. He points out that Derek was running around completely human on the full moon. He also says that he will have to cancel his date with Allison. Stiles argues against this.

Just then, Lydia sits down at their table. Stiles is surprised but pleased by this development, and quietly asks Scott why she is sitting with them. Scott has no answer, but shortly afterward Allison and several other students sit down as well. (Although one of them is forced to leave when Jackson shows up because he might have been staring at Lydia's privates.)

They start talking about the attack. One student suggests that it was a cougar; Jackson said that he heard it was a mountain lion. Lydia says that those two are the same thing, but she's not sure. Jackson says it doesn't matter since the guy was probably a homeless druggie. And unchecked classism of the episode.

Then Stiles reveals that he knows who the victim is! News to me. He pulls out his PSP and shows a video which reveals the name of the victim, a somebody Meyers. Scott announces that he knows who the guy is - the guy who drove the school bus back when Scott was a kid. Dun dun dun.

Lydia changes the subject to Allison and Scott's upcoming date, to which she invites herself and Jackson. Scott is hesitant about this new development, but Allison is all for it.

Jackson, on the other hand, is not. Lydia suggests that they go bowling, since he likes bowling, but he says that he only likes it when he has actual competition. Allison takes this as a challenge, and pressures Scott into convincing Jackson that they will be worthy competition. Scott lies and says that he is a great bowler.

(Fun fact: In the Teen Wolf movie, Pamela and Scott go bowling on their one and only date. Mick is also there and gives Scott plenty of stinkeye.)

Back in the halls, Scott and Stiles argue. First Scott's date with Allison has been hijacked into "hanging out," and now he's been talked into doing something he's terrible at. This is reasonable. What's not reasonable is Stiles' heterosexist comments that "once you're hanging out, you're practically her gay best friend - you can start hanging out with Danny." Danny, of course, is the gay goalie who never appears on screen.

Scott continues to fret, but Stiles' brain has been hijacked by his own comments and he notes that Danny doesn't like him very much. He asks Scott if he's unattractive to gay guys, but Scott is busy fretting and also late for work so he doesn't answer.

I know this probably won't go anywhere, but I would really love it if this developed into a subplot wherein we learn that Stiles is bisexual and genuinely interested in Danny. It seems much more likely than Scott and Jackson ever getting together, plus they've been doing a decent amount of lead-up (see: "running gag") for it.

Cut to the Beacon Hills Animal Clinic (the one where Scott and Allison hit it off in the first episode), where Scott has just arrived. He runs inside and apologizes for being late. The vet says that he's all of two minutes late, and Scott says that he just doesn't want him to think he's slacking. The doctor assures him that this could not possibly happen, when who should show up but Stiles' dad, the cop?

He's bringing in a police dog, who is here to get its stitches out, and asks Scott if he's staying out of trouble. Scott says yes, and Stilinsky Sr. and the doctor start attending to the dog. Before he can get going, though, Stilinsky Sr. asks him to look at the photographs of the recent attack victim. He also mentions the wolf hairs on Derek's sister's body, implying that he believes the two attacks to be connected.

Scott brings up the distinct lack of wolves in California, and the vet says that wolves are highly migratory and could be around for any number of reasons. They have some bullshit conversation about how wolves have long-term memory "if driven by a primal urge" or something like that (I do not know but it sounded like complete nonsense and I'm sure my dog would agree). This is apparently relevant to whether Scott would be able to remember something he had done while wolfed out.

The vet says that this victim was not attacked by a wolf, though - a wolf would have gone for the throat and this guy has just been scratched badly. However, he has been scratched badly at the ankle, where Scott grabbed Allison in his dream. Dun dun dun.

After work, Scott brings dinner to his mother, who is working at the Beacon Hills hospital. She appreciates the gift but tells him that there's a curfew on and he is not getting the car for his date. Busted!

(So, in the movie Scott only has his dad, who owns a hardware store. In the show Scott only has his mom, who is a nurse. Talk about heteronormativity.)

Scott is about to leave when he suddenly realizes that he's in the same building as the guy who was attacked in the bus. Investigation time! He absconds to the guy's room and sneaks in.

Meyers is lying in bed, badly damaged but awake. Scott tries to talk to him, but he panicks and starts yelling. Scott's mom rushes in and throws him out while Meyers has a panic attack.

An indefinite amount of time later, someone from the sheriff's office pulls up to Derek's house. We learn that he has orders to ensure that the place is vacant (presumably because it's trashed), and that he's driven up here into the middle of the woods all alone to snoop around the home of the creepy angry man who lives in a burned-out wreck. Yes, there is no way this can possibly go wrong.

The guy seems to sense that he's in danger, as the sound of his own dog barking startles him. Still, he makes his way toward the house, while Derek stares at him from a broken window. Derek's eyes glow bright blue (a contrast to Scott's yellow), and the dog becomes frantic, snarling and trying to climb out through the window. That's enough for this guy, who leaves.

But Derek's day is not about to get better, as Scott walks up to the house almost immediately after the other guy left. Scott takes advantage of Derek's werewolf superpowers by talking to him in a normal conversational tone from the middle of the yard, and asks for Derek's help.

Astonishingly, Derek comes outside to talk to Scott. Scott admits that he has been a royal dick to Derek, and then tells him about the dream and the attack at school. Derek acts like Scott is wrong for assuming that he was the one who attacked the guy, but he doesn't elaborate; he does tell Scott when asked that he is liable to hurt or kill someone. Nice to have that cleared up.

Derek offers to help Scott learn to control his "gift," but there will be a cost. A cost which he will tell Scott at a later date after he has already agreed to pay it. For now, though, he just tells Scott to go back to the bus and check it out and that when he does he will know whether or not he is likely to injure Allison in the near future.

That night, Stiles drives Scott back to the school. They're about to sneak in when Scott tells Stiles to wait outside and keep watch. Stiles complains that he's starting to feel like the Robin to Scott's Batman. (Congratulations, Stiles, you understand how it works.) Scott claims otherwise, but Stiles doesn't buy it, and goes back to the Jeep to sulk while Scott climbs the fence and goes for the bus.

He closes his eyes, smells the air, and has a flashback to the night before when he had a particularly enraging dream and woke up partly transformed. The memory starts to set him off again, but he works to control himself as he goes to make a closer inspection. He touches the door (with his bare hand - oh, Scott, how lucky you are that the police finished checking the place out) and gets a flashback to the dream, then goes inside.

Inside the bus, Scott continues having flashbacks, as scenes from his dream intersperse with scenes of the same things happening to Meyers. He also sees himself throwing the seat from across the room (lolwut?) and flinches. Then he remembers something else - reaching out to a panicked Meyers and grasping his hand as though to help him get up.

Outside, a light starts flashing on school grounds and Stiles honks the horn to alert Scott. Scott also sees the light, and makes a break for it, using a convenient car as a platform to jump over the fence. (Bom-diddy-bom-de-dang-de-dang-diggy-diggy.)

While they make their escape, Scott tells Stiles what he remembered: that Derek had been on the bus, and that Scott had been there trying to defend Meyers. Which raises the question of why Derek would tell Scott how to remember that Derek attacked someone. Stiles brings up some nonsense about "a pack thing," then mentions how good it is to know that Scott wasn't the one who attacked Meyers. Scott agrees: now he can enjoy his date with Allison without worrying that something horrible is going to happen.

Stiles: "I was going to say it means you won't kill me."
Scott (in a kind of "I guess" tone): "Oh, yeah. That too."

In the next scene, Allison is getting ready for her... erm, "hang out." Lydia is there with her, giving advice on clothes. Lydia says no to virtually everything in Allison's closet, then tells her to wear this slinky black thing that is semitransparent and also has sequins - completely inappropriate for bowling. Knowing how manipulative Lydia can be I wouldn't be surprised if she's trying to accomplish something specific.

Just then, Allison's dad comes into the room. Lydia flirts with him (while I can't say that she has bad taste, the person who wrote this definitely does), but Mr. Argent ignores her. He tells Allison that she has to stay in tonight, because of the animal killing people and the curfew and yadda. He talks to her in the way that parents do that I find completely infuriating, but then he smiles and he is so goshdarn charming I cannot possibly be angry.

Lydia comments that "someone's daddy's little girl," then makes absolutely atrocious duckface while Allison contemplates the situation. Finally she makes a decision, and opens her bedroom window, climbs out onto an awning and does an impressive flip onto the ground. Sparrows, I think we have found the next Slayer. Unfortunately, the writers of Teen Wolf have put a firm kibosh on vampires for this show.

So they sneak out to the bowling alley. Allison has a history of bowling with her dad and takes the hobby fairly seriously, which flusters Scott who was last bowling when he was eight. Allison picks out a pink bowling ball (of course), while Lydia prepares to take her first shot... or... whatever it's called. I don't know; I only bowl on the Wii.

In a nod to the movie, Jackson helps Lydia to line up her shot by less-than-covertly feeling her up (oh, Jackson, you sexy beast), but as in the movie she gets a gutter ball. The next throw actually knocks out some pins, but she's not happy with her lack of skills. Then Allison goes up and gets a perfect strike. Jackson follows suit, flaunting his bishie gorgeousness all over the place and leaving Scott in the awkward position of having to live up to his lies.

I predict wolfination within the next minute.

Scott makes his first throw, which he way overdoes, resulting in an epic gutterball that gives Jackson much lulz. Allison and Jackson bicker about Scott's lack of skillz, and right before making his next throw Scott pleads to the heavens that he knock over just one pin.

And then gutters it again. No wolfination, just that irritating cheap camera trick from the first movie.

Over at the Food Mart, Derek is gassing up his car (we can tell it's Derek because, although the camera does not show his face, his leather jacket is looking especially angry) when two cars pull in, pinning his at the pump. Derek glowers at the cars, and one of the drivers gets out, sweet fatherly eyes strangely mismatched with a sneer. It is Mr. Argent.

Back at the bowling alley, Scott once again attempt to do something impressive with his ball. Allison, noticing his struggle, advises him to clear his head and think about something else - specifically, her naked. This gives Scott a raging hard-on - I mean, wolf-o-vision - and he suddenly makes a strike. Bow chicka wow wow.

Back at Food Mart, Derek manages to stare down all of the werewolf hunters and finish gassing his car at the same time. Mr. Argent waits until he's finished, then starts this passive-aggressive spiel about how great Derek's car is and he should take better care of it. He then starts washing Derek's windshield, which I am assuming is an aggressive move - first he insults his personal property, then starts exerting his will over it. Something like that. He tells Derek that he is very protective of the things he loves (i.e., Allison), then insults Derek for not having any living family members. Derek is pissed, and as Mr. Argent goes to walk away, he says that he forgot to check the oil. This does not faze Argent, who has a black belt in Calculated Posturing. He tells one of his men to check Derek's oil, and the guy smashes in the driver's side window and says it looks good to him. Argent tells Derek to drive safely and they leave.

At the bowling alley, Scott scores many strikes and Allison is most pleased. Jackson is not, and Lydia decides to mess with him, asking Scott to help her out with a throw. Scott declines, and she makes irritated duckface all the way to the aisle.

(Hey, look, guys! Our Scott has better judgment than the one in the movie! Aren't we clever.)

Jackson offers to help, but Lydia wants to go it alone. (Ooh. Burn.) She overacts a bit, lets the ball go, and bam! Strike. Apparently you don't actually have to be a werewolf to become a good bowler in five seconds. Actually, it turns out that Lydia is a great bowler, she just "does plenty of sucking for (Jackson's) benefit." Um... yeah. TMI, Lydia.

Jackson, butthurt, skulks off to go play some pinball. Scott follows him and tries to make pleasant conversation. Jackson is not interested in pleasant conversation, and accuses Scott of cheating at bowling. He doesn't think it's steroids anymore, but he's as determined as ever to find out what is giving Scott his amazing competitive edge. He then threatens to tell Allison what it is if/when he finds out, but compared to Argent he is a rookie at Aggressive Posturing.

Derek visits Meyers in the hospital. He tells Meyers to open his eyes, but Meyers is a stubborn person (or possibly asleep) and just lies there. Derek repeats the order, and tells Meyers to look at him; this time he complies. He asks Meyers what he remembers, but to his surprise Meyers knows who he is and keeps repeating two words: "I'm sorry."

Elsewhere, Scott's mother is getting ready to go home when she sees an alert for Meyers' room. She rushes inside and sees that he is dead. He doesn't have any new injuries, though, so how he died is a mystery.

Scott takes Allison home, and asks her if they can hang out again soon. She agrees, but says that she'd rather they go alone next time. SCOAR! They kiss, happy music plays, and Scott leaves a happy man. But! Allison's dad is in the house and he has seen them. Dun dun dun.

Back at Scott's house, his mother goes to tell him that she's going to bed, but he's not in his room. She starts to leave, then hears a thump and turns around. She sees a flailing figure in Scott's room and prepares to hit him with the baseball bat, but it's only Stiles. Apparently this is a common thing for him.

Stiles: "Do either of you even play baseball?"

Scott shows up during the commotion. His mother asks if either of them care that there's a curfew on, and when they say no, she gives up and leaves.

Once they're alone, Stiles tells Scott that Meyers is dead. This angers Scott, who goes to Derek's house to confront them (despite the fact that it is probably midnight by now - I have no idea when Scott sleeps, except between the hours of two and six). Finally, we get to see the inside of Derek's house! It's trashed, by the way.

He tells Derek that he knows what he did, but Derek says that he did nothing. He also reveals that he originally came to Beacon Hills to look for his sister, only to find that Mr. Argent had killed her and was trying to use her to get to Derek. Scott, ever the n00b, says he thinks Derek killed both of them and he is going to Tell Everyone. Who, I imagine, are all going to believe him because he has no evidence and so forth. This provokes Derek into throwing him down the stairs, which causes Scott to wolf out. He makes raeg face at Derek and throws him through a wall. Derek comments "That was cute," and wolfs out (in the same way as Scott.) For some reason, this dark-haired, beefy, leather-jacket-wearing guy with his monster face on reminds me of David Boreanaz.

And the Battle of The Muttonchops is on. Scott's agile, but Derek is both beefy and experienced. He bests Scott, and after they de-transform, tells him that he didn't kill anyone and it isn't either of their fault. Scott says that it is all Derek's fault - but he's not talking about the dead guy, he's talking about being a werewolf. Derek says he was not the one who bit Scott. Scott doesn't believe him at first, but then he has a flashback to the bus and realizes that the werewolf there was not Derek.

Derek says that the werewolf in question was an "Alpha," whereas Derek and Scott are Betas. All I know for sure about that is that it means that said werewolf is uber-powerful and has the ability to make more werewolves via biting. Derek explains that his sister was looking for that werewolf and now he's doing the same thing. But he needs Scott's help. Since the Alpha was the one who bit Scott, he's technically part of his pack, and he's trying to get ahold of him.

The camera makes a cheesy pan to a shot of glowing eyes in the forest. And end episode.

Well, this was exciting. We learned some more about the characters, especially Derek, and set up for something besides long-distance staring and bad assumptions (it's about time!) The black student from Episode 1 made a comeback, and two other black characters (the vet and the guy from the sheriff's) made appearances. Yet strangely, they are the only non-white characters in the show - no other races seem to exist in Beacon Hills. (Unless I'm missing something - if I am, please say so). They're also adult men, again. Cisgender, able-bodied, all that.

And what is up with Danny the gay goalie? Is he ever going to appear, or is he just going to be an ongoing joke for the straight main characters? What, what, what do they think they're doing with that character?

Once again, I feel like this episode was better than the last one, and they have gained my attention with Wolf!Derek. I will be looking forward to next week's episode.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Teen Wolf Review: Part Three - Episode 2

Sunday, the first episode of Teen Wolf airs.
Monday, it comes on the Internet and I get to see it.
Tuesday, I finish the review, check the Web site, and there's another episode up.

MTV, why do you torment me so?

Well, in the interest of promptness, I'm going to go ahead and watch and review it right now. Here's hoping that it brings more than the first episode.

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

After a recap of the first episode, the story begins with Scott in the locker room getting ready to play some lacrosse. (I'm impressed - sports uniform and shirtless fanservices in one scene.) Stiles shows up and asks how things are going with Allison. Scott tells him that she accepted his apology, but there are bigger problems: her dad is the werewolf hunter who tried to kill him. This thought is enough to send Scott into a near-panic attack, but Stiles, who is a quick thinker and not easily distracted by Scott's heaving man-titties, tells him to focus on lacrosse to calm himself down. He does, and they go to practice.

Today, the coach is having the team members practice ramming into each other at high speeds. (I presume this is important.) Scott is sent out against Jackson, naturally, and fails rather spectacularly. The coach insults Scott, which cheeses him off and brings out his werewolf powers. (Apparently they're triggered by emotion, not moonlight.) This improves his game skills, but causes him to wolf out on the field, and Stiles drags him back to the lockers while Derek stares from the sidelines.

Stiles tries to help Scott, but it goes badly and he ends up running from him instead. Though not fully transformed, Scott is pretty much out of it, and does his violent-rampage thing until Stiles blasts him with a convenient fire extinguisher. Scott returns to normal, and then wants to know what happened. Stiles gives him an "I told you so," explaining that this is going to happen whenever Scott gets too angry. He tells Scott that he needs to stop playing lacrosse, because it is liable to keep setting him off in the future, but Scott refuses.

Cue splash screen.

That night, Scott arrives home and collapses onto his bed. His mother comes to his bedroom and lets him know that she'll be working extra again, but that she's taking off Saturday to attend his first lacrosse game. Turns out that Scott isn't so middle-class, either. With his dad out of the picture, his mother - who is their only source of income - has to pull extra shifts to keep them afloat. This really does make me appreciate my own privilege - sure, my family may be lower-class, but I have both of my parents and my dad gets paid a salary so he can actually take time off now and again without jeopardizing everyone.

Which doesn't change the fact that it's a huge cliché and does nothing to combat the unspoken notion that they would be living quite comfortably if only Dad was around to earn the income.

Anyway, Scott's mom is concerned about his health, because he looks like he hasn't been sleeping. Scott says it's stress, Mom thinks it might be drugs. They banter a bit without establishing whether Scott is actually using recreational drugs or not - presumably he isn't, but the issue here seems to be more about whether she trusts him not to be taking them. It's an interesting take on that type of scene.

After Mom leaves, Scott contacts Stiles via webcam and gets the scoop. Turns out that Jackson's shoulder was separated by the tackle and they don't know if he'll be able to play on Saturday, which means that Scott has no choice but to be there.

Suddenly, Stiles shuts up and gets a worried look on his face. Scott asks what's going on, and Stiles starts typing a message: "It looks like..." Scott tries to get him to finish the message, but the camera lags. When it resumes, he sees the words "Someone's behind you." Scott checks the feed from his webcam and sees a figure in the background - who lunges for him.

I. Shat. Brix. Well done, MTV.

The figure, who is in fact Derek, grabs Scott, and tells him that he saw what happened at lacrosse practice. He warns Scott that if he keeps transforming in front of people, he'll end up incurring the wrath of pretty much all of humanity, who will by extension go after Derek and various other, unseen, werewolves. (This, apparently, is the extent of Derek's brotherly love - stalk Scott and threaten him when he screws up.) He tells Scott that if he even tries to play in the lacrosse game, he will kill him. Um, gee, Derek, that's very helpful of you. Now do you mind giving the kid a hand with this whole werewolf thing? Just whenever you have some time in your busy schedule of "stalking him everywhere?"

I take back what I said about him in the previous episode; Derek's a dick. It's one thing to decide that Scott isn't his responsibility (though that's fairly dick too). It's another thing to declare him your "brother," then insist that he follow certain rules that you lay out while refusing to help him with anything. Yeesh, it's not like he can just find out how to be a responsible werewolf on the Internet.

The next day, Scott tries to tell the lacrosse coach that he can't play, but the coach won't have any of it. Scott says that he's having personal issues. The coach first asks him if it's a girl, then if it's a guy, mentioning that the team goalie is gay and makes an awkward attempt to set them up. Or something like that. After more awkwardness, Scott finally blurts out that he's having aggression issues, but that just encourages the coach, who threatens to bench him indefinitely if he doesn't play.

And things get worse: Scott's mom got the night off from work to see the game, and Allison has made plans for her, Scott, Jackson, Lydia, and Stiles to go out afterward.

The focus shifts to Allison, who opens her locker and finds the same jacket that was used to catch Scott the night of the party. From the look on her face, I'd say it's not supposed to be there. And from the Wolf-Cam at the end of the lockers, I would guess that Derek put it there and is stalking her while she eyeballs it. The bell rings before we can find out for sure.

Later, in algebra class, Scott is working at the chalkboard next to Lydia, who abruptly starts laying down the law. She's angry at him for injuring Jackson, and as restitution she demands that he play on Saturday to make sure the team wins. Her reasoning for this is stereotypically shallow and obnoxious - if they lose the game, then her boyfriend will be the captain of the losing lacrosse team and she can't date a loser. Scott tries to talk sense to her, but she threatens to introduce Allison to all of the good-looking lacrosse players. Have I mentioned that Lydia is blonde? Yes, she is the Blonde Bitch Queen stereotype at your service. Way to go, MTV.

Because teenage angst isn't enough to drive a show (astonishingly), Scott soon finds himself with more problems. He listens in on a conversation between a school faculty member and Stiles' father and learns that the police are planning on instituting a 9:30 curfew for everyone under the age of eighteen. Stiles, knowing that Derek was the one who killed the woman who became the corpse from the first episode, realizes that this isn't going to do any good, and thinks that if he can retrieve the other half of the body it will help to implicate Derek.

Scott is hesitant, but he has more pressing problems to worry about: Lydia is making good on her threat to introduce Allison to all of the guys on the lacrosse team. Now, I'm all for this. I think it's completely ridiculous of Scott that his feelings of entitlement toward Allison have reached the point where he's afraid that another person is going to steal her away from him - that's phenomenally messed up. But, this being Scott, he is jelly.

Then he sees Allison holding the jacket that Derek used to bait him, and tries to warn her about him, but this confuses Allison (possibly due to jelly vibes) and she leaves.

Scott embarkes on a rage-fueled bicycle ride to the burned-out shell of Derek's old house, where he somehow expects Derek to be. And what do you know, he's there. Scott tells Derek to leave Lydia alone, but Derek very sensibly points out that Scott is a n00b and for all he knows Lydia could know as much as her dad and actually be a threat to Scott. He then reminds Scott that if he transforms on the field he could well be lynched.

Scott goes home, where he meets up with Stiles. Apparently there was more to his meeting with Derek than werewolf posturing - about half a body more. Scott says that he could smell blood at the place and that there's something buried there. He has a plan to use the body to get Derek arrested, then figure out how to play lacrosse without transforming so he can make Saturday's game. Yeah, good luck with that.

For the second time in as many episodes, there is a comment about Stiles taking a lot of Adderall. Adderall is a stimulant medication used to treat ADHD and narcolepsy, which means that either Stiles has one of these conditions and is not being responsible with his medication, or he's abusing the drug to give himself boosts in certain situations. Either way, this obviously isn't healthy behavior and I hope the show doesn't continue to use it as a cheap running gag.

Part of Scott and Stiles' plan requires them to go to the Beacon Hills Hospital so that Scott can smell the blood of the dead woman's legs and make sure that it's a match to the body buried at Derek's place. While Scott is off looking for corpses to huff, Stiles sees Lydia, and decides to introduce himself to her. He gives her this ridiculous spiel about how he feels that they have a connection and should get together sometime, and when he's finished she reveals that she is wearing a wireless headset and didn't hear a word. He decides not to bother, and goes to wait for Scott instead.

Scott, meanwhile, gets into the morgue without difficulty. He finds the dead body's legs, but they creep him out and he locks them back up quickly. He forgets to cover them back up, though, which never has any consequences.

Back in the waiting room, Lydia meets up with Jackson. He says that he's been given a cortisone shot, presumably for his shoulder. Lydia tells him that he should take another one right before the game, then insults him for having a look on his face that suggests that he's against the idea, because Professionals Do It All The Time and he should want to be Professional, shouldn't he?

Stiles watches them make out and leave (hiding behind a book about the menstrual cycle - trololololol), and then Scott comes back and reports that the legs are a match. Also there are bite marks on them, which somehow means that they're going to need a shovel. What.

That night, Scott and Stiles wait for Derek to leave his house (apparently parts of it are liveable), and sneak up to the place. Scott notes that something is different from earlier, but he's not sure what it is, and they commence digging up the body. They find it and take off part of its covering - but to their surprise, they find that the torso belongs to a wolf.

They start to re-bury the remains, but stop when Stiles sees a wolfsbane plant in the ground nearby. He picks it up and discovers that it's attached to a length of rope, that has been wound several times around the grave and semi-buried. They pull up the rope, then Scott glances back into the hole and gets a shock. There is now a human torso in the grave.

The next day, Derek is arrested, taking time before he's put in the police cruiser to give Scott the stinkeye. Then Stiles decides it's a good idea to get into the cruiser with Derek and ask him various questions about the body, including the fact that she was able to transform into a full wolf. Derek refuses to answer, instead insisting that Stiles find a way to stop Scott from playing the Saturday lacrosse game.

Stiles' dad finds him in the car, drags him out, and starts asking questions. It comes out that Stiles was lying about being alone the night Scott was bitten. Stiles tries to sweet-talk his way out of it, but his dad just tells him to get out of the place.

As Stiles and Scott drive down the road, Scott checks Stiles' reference notes. He can't find anything about wolfsbane being used for burial, or the reason why the other werewolf could transform into a full wolf. But he doesn't particularly care, because he still has to figure out how to play lacrosse without changing during the game. Between this worry and Stiles' chattering, Scott starts to transform, but becomes sick because of the coiled-up wolfsbane rope sitting next to him. Stiles stops the car and ditches the rope, but when he turns around Scott is gone. He gets into the Jeep and starts looking for Scott, even calling the police dispatcher, who is not amused by his queries of "a dog-like person." Then he sees one of the pictures that he printed out, of a hulking werewolf holding a beautiful woman.

Yeah, I can tell where this is going. I wish these shows would stop treating silly artwork like it's some kind of accurate depiction of werewolf behavior. Ain't Stiles ever heard of "hyperbole?"

Cut to Allison's house, where Scott is (naturally) climbing around on her roof. He's watching her in her bedroom until she closes the curtains, at which point he sees his reflection in the window, freaks out, and falls off the house. (I am not making this up.) And where should he land, but right in front of Mr. Argent's car? Ooh, Lorraine's not going to be happy about this. I mean Allison.

Fortunately, by the time they meet, Scott has returned to normal. And Allison shows up, which fairly well prevents Mr. Argent from doing anything to him even if he does suspect that Scott is the werewolf. Which he apparently does, because he has decided that it is a good idea to attend Scott's lacrosse game.

In the next scene, Scott's getting ready for the game, but his werewolf senses are going haywire and he is nervous. Stiles pops by to make a last-ditch attempt to talk him out of playing. Scott confesses that the main reason he's doing it is because he wants "a freakin' normal life." I could gripe again about how ridiculous these people's standards for "normal" are and that he should just get over it, but the truth is, I understand. I really do. Probably because I've done the whole "young adult outcast guy" thing, and it freaking sucks knowing that you've missed out on doing all these things that are practically rites of passage for everyone else. So I'll skip the lecture.

Failing to talk him out of playing, Stiles tries to give Scott a pep talk to keep him calm, but this doesn't go over so well.

As the team gets ready to play, Lydia threatens Scott while the coach tells Jackson to keep playing no matter what. Way to go, guys. Frankly, I think that Lydia should break up with Jackson and date the coach. In fact, I am going to declare them my OTP right now. They deserve each other. (That, and it would free up Jackson to date Scott.)

The game starts, and Scott is putting his all into staying calm and not wolfing out all over the place. And it works, for a while. But then things start going downhill. Jackson knocks Scott to the ground just to get at the ball, then orders his teammates to pass the ball to him no matter what. (Ah, the archetypical self-absorbed team captain.) Meanwhile, Scott sees Lydia and Allison holding a sign that says "We Luv U, Jackson!" And the sneaky hate spiral kicks in.

Fortunately for the many squishy and easily-destructible civilians around, he is able to channel his aggression. He employs his werewolf superpowers to sink an easy goal, then snatches the ball later on by making wolf-face at one of the enemy teammates. Afterwards, he flings the ball so hard that it burns through the goalie's stick net. (Yes, really. I don't even know how that is possible.)

The teams are now tied, and presumably one more point will net them the win. But things aren't going so awesome for Scott. His wolf-o-vision has kicked in and he's growling at the other players, which can't be a good sign. But he manages to hang on long enough to score a final goal, winning the game and scoring mad bitchez. I mean, Allison.

But he can't stay. He's partially transformed, and he needs to go somewhere nice and uninhabited to deal with this problem before carrying on. Mr. Argent, who has been eyeballing him the entire game, finds this suspicious and stares meaningfully at nothing in particular. (He can do that, because he's JR Bourne.)

Meanwhile, Stiles' dad gets an ominous phone call.

Scott lurches off into the locker room, but Allison follows him. He sees himself transforming in a mirror, and in true Vampire Hulkwolf fashion smashes it so he doesn't have to see his own furry face. Allison hears the sound and comes after him, so he hides in the rafters and scopes her out in wobbly salmon. She keeps looking for him, but she breathes so loud you could shoot her in the dark, so it's a cinch for Scott to avoid her until he is able to de-wolfinate. They have a nice, meaningful talk, then make with the smoochies.

Allison leaves Scott, who is blissfully sillyheaded until Stiles comes in and tells him that Derek's been let out of jail, since the evidence showed that the dead woman was killed by an animal. Also, the body has been identified and she is in fact Derek's sister.

Back on the lacrosse field, Jackson decides to do some detective work. He picks up a glove that Scott had dropped on the field before leaving and discovers that there are holes in the fingertips where Scott's super-wolf-nails broke through. Then he turns and gets a glimpse of Derek, who - guess what? - stares at him for a few seconds before walking away.

Something tells me he's not going to be too happy with Scott next episode.

And that's the end of Episode 2. So, how did it stack up?

Well, the first thing I want to talk about is the coach. See, I really should hate the coach. He's the kind of douchebag whom writers put into shows as some kind of comic relief - he's inconsiderate and tactless, you know, it's funny. Except that aside from the palpable sense of awkwardness, there's never really anything done to explain why his behavior is bad or discourage other people from acting that way. He's a total waste of writing space.

But honestly, I think he's hilarious. Reasons are twofold: firstly, he reminds me of people I know who tend to do the same kind of thing, and secondly, he's way worse than any of them. It's relieving to me to see a situation that I can relate to, yet is so over-the-top that it makes what I deal with seem like small potatoes.

However.

I am not amused by the writers' decision to make the one character who is known for being a socially inappropriate asshole the one guy who would be totally cool if Scott was gay. What, are we saying that he's too tactless to realize that being accepting of someone's sexual orientation and willing to talk about the subject is ew, awkward? Really? That is so offensive that it's practically in the fourth dimension. Also, I am still noting that your only gay "character" is never seen on screen, much less heard from.

Stiles is starting to get on my nerves. Basically for the same reason that Scott does: they both have a bad case of Dunning-Kreuger disease. Neither of them know very much about werewolves at all - much less murder and law and other such things - yet they still think it's appropriate to start taking all of this stuff into their own hands. I realize that Scott's motivations for getting Derek arrested were strictly based on wanting to play lacrosse - which is even worse, to be honest. Going to jail isn't a walk in the park, even for a spooky tough guy like Derek.

Speaking of which, Derek creeps me the fuck out. I have sworn not to compare this series to Twilight, but the way Derek stands around all the time and shoots creepy stares at everyone is putting me in mind of Robert Pattinson's omnipresent glareface and it is really getting annoying. And does the guy have anything better to do than stalk Scott and threaten him periodically? I don't think so.

Beyond that, blarg, teenage angst, blarg hetfest, om nom nom JR Bourne, it wasn't as obnoxious as the first episode and I actually did enjoy watching it, the end.