Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Teen Wolf Review: Part Nine - Episode 7

Woo-hoo! Another episode of Teen Wolf!

According to the previews, this one is about several top-tier cast members hiding in the school as they are stalked by the Alpha. I can't wait to see how this plays out.

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

The episode opens with Scott and Stiles running into the school and closing the doors behind them. Which is exactly what they did at the end of the last episode, but I guess they needed to throw that lead-in in there since they wasted most of the recap time on stuff from the beginning of the series. Scott tells Stiles to lock the doors, but he doesn't have the key. Scott says to grab something to jam them shut, but Stiles can't find anything - until he looks through the door window and sees the bolt cutters from last episode (which are pretty enormous) laying on the concrete in front of the school.

Against Scott's wishes, Stiles slips back outside. As he's grabbing the bolt cutters, the Alpha (composed of hideously shitty CGI) spots him and starts to give chase. Stiles bolts for the school and makes it inside in the nick of time, putting the bolt cutters' handles into the grips on the door so that both are wedged shut.

Yep, that'll hold him.

The Alpha bangs on the door a few times, then disappears again. Stiles tries to locate xem, but xe's nowhere to be found.

Neither Scott nor Stiles actually think that the bolt cutters are going to last as a barrier, and they start running through the school to find something else. Scott's about to appropriate a desk when Stiles says that the doors aren't going to hold the Alpha out. He then tells Scott what he's figured out: that the Alpha is probably the veterinarian. Scott, being a very wide-eyed, idealistic little werewolf, refuses to believe that it could be the case, despite the fact that the vet disappeared mere seconds before the Alpha appeared. He also refuses to believe that Derek is dead; I would give him props if he had any reasoning at all besides "Nothing that bad could possibly happen to me!"

In lieu of barricading themselves inside the school, Stiles proposes that they make a run for his Jeep and blaze a trail out. Scott tries the windows first, but they're climate-controlled and don't open. He suggests breaking them, but Stiles points out the noise this would make. Scott says they can "run really fast," then realizes they've got bigger problems - the hood of Stiles' jeep is heavily damaged.

And then a car battery comes flying through the window.

Splash screen.

Scott and Stiles stare at the battery. It is, in fact, the battery from Stiles' jeep, which rules it out as an escape vehicle. Recognizing that the Alpha has officially reached "scary smart" status, Stiles is adamantly opposed to Scott looking out the window again - but this time there's nothing there.

With nothing else to do in that classroom, Scott and Stiles go back to the darkened hallways of the school. Scott starts to go in one direction, but Stiles stops him, saying that they need to hide in a room with as few windows as possible. They decide to head for the locker room.

(Or you could, y'know... hide in the halls. Lots of visibility in either direction, zero chance of being spotted from the outside... no?)

Scott suggests that Stiles call his dad and tell him that there's a fire or gas leak at the school. His logic is that once the parking lot fills with police cars the Alpha will take off, but Stiles is concerned that it might just kill all of the police.

They eventually decide to re-try the escape strategy with one small change: they'll find Derek's car keys and take his vehicle. Scott is adamant that they also bring Derek, never mind that this could slow them down enough to guarantee death.

Stiles is just about to open a door when Scott hears a growling noise and stops him. They step back from the door, which has something dark smears on the inside of it. Scott tells Stiles to hide, and he immediately stuffs himself into the nearest locker. Scott isn't happy with the noise this makes, but doesn't see another option and also hides in a locker.

As they watch through the locker slats, the door handle starts turning (hello, Jurassic Park flashback) and someone comes out. It's not the Alpha, though - just the janitor. He tells them to get out of the school, and shoves them into an area, closing the door between them just before he is brutally murdered by the Alpha.

Well, shit.

(Scott tries to save him, as usual, and Stiles injects some sense into the matter, as usual.)

Meanwhile, Allison is pacing around, outside, in the dark. This makes sense once she gets a phone call from Jackson and Lydia, who say that they're coming to pick her up. I have no idea where Allison is or why Scott was supposed to be picking her up; I knew they were going to study at her house, but nothing about any kind of moving-about-in-a-vehicle.

Jackson and Lydia arrive. Jackson is trying to get Allison to accept a ride when Allison gets a text message from Scott.

Back at the school, Stiles and Scott try to escape through a pair of back doors, but they're blocked by a dumpster, courtesy of the Alpha. Stiles starts to freak out and rattle the door in the hopes of somehow getting it open, but Scott stops him. Stiles insists that he's "not dying at school." Scott tells him that he's not going to die. Stiles is just really fed up with the werewolf mind games, which Scott explains are all an attempt to get to him. so that xe can get him to join xir pack.

Stiles: "Great. The psychotic werewolf is into teamwork. That's beautiful."

Scott stops Stiles suddenly, and looks out a window. There, standing on the roof of a low building, is the Alpha. He sees the two of them and gives chase. Stiles and Scott flee as the Alpha breaks through a window, loping down the school halls as only a werewolf can. Scott and Stiles head for a lower floor of the building.

At the front door, Allison, Jackson, and Lydia have just arrived. Jackson asks what they're doing there as he gets out of the car - apparently Allison didn't actually tell him why she just had him drive to the school. Way to go, Allison.

She shows him the text message that she got from Scott, which simply said "meet me at the school." Okay, that's not cryptic or life-endangering in any way, nope nope nope. Lydia points out that the doors are locked at night, then Allison points out an open door (which is propped open by Stiles' bolt cutters). Jackson, in turn, points out that the school appears to have been broken into, and tells Allison to be careful. The two share a sweet moment about how Nice and Concerned Jackson is being, as opposed to his usual douchebaggy self. Allison says not to worry; she'll be right back.

Lol. No.

Jackson grins to himself, presumably because he's developing an enormous crush on Allison, and Lydia notices with an especially dissatisfied case of duckface. Meanwhile, Allison enters the school - and once she's inside, for seemingly no reason, the doors shut behind her. Dun dun dun.

We meet up with Scott and Stiles again, who are running for their life. They hide behind some lockers to catch their breath. Scott looks back where they were running and sees the Alpha prowling the halls of the school. Xe doesn't see Scott, though, and he ducks away in time to keep it that way.

They make a run in the other direction, and as the Alpha is smashing things, Stiles says that they have to "do something to it." He doesn't care what as long as it has the potential to get them out alive. They run into a room that has a bunch of junk in it and Stiles gets an idea. He grabs his car keys and throws them into the room as far as he can. This gets the Graboid - er, Alpha's attention, and xe charges into the room. Scott and Stiles escape, and Stiles manages to shut the door in the nick of time (though, with the Alpha pounding on it, that should not have been remotely possible). They push a desk in front of it and congratulate each other.

Outside, Jackson is sitting in his car when he notices the damage on Stiles' vehicle.

Jackson: "Do you see that?"
Lydia: "See what?"
Jackson: "The hood on that piece-of-crap Jeep looks... crappier than usual."

He gets out to check it out. Lydia follows, refusing to be left alone in the car. Well, at least someone here has seen some horror movies. They walk over to the Jeep, and when Jackson examines it more closely he finds claw marks on it. This consternates him considerably, and he heads for the school. Lydia, who wants to just get Allison and leave, follows him.

Inside the school, Stiles decides that he wants to get a look at the Alpha, and climbs onto the barricade desk to peek through the window. Scott, being reasonable for once, thinks that it is a bad idea and says as much, but Stiles ignores him and starts taunting the Alpha. Who responds by escaping the room via the ceiling. Way to go, Stiles.

The Alpha bangs in their general direction, but Scott and Stiles just stand there until it pops one of the ceiling tiles out. That is enough for them and they take off running.

Meanwhile, in the halls, Allison is trying to find Scott. Mostly this involves moving around slowly and calling out - the kind of thing that gets you killed in a horror movie. Of course, Allison is too important to get killed, and so the Alpha fails to notice her in the slightest as it stalks the school halls.

She wanders down the hallway for several paces, calling for Scott and failing to find him.

Meanwhile, Jackson and Lydia have just entered the school. Lydia has to go to the bathroom, and they get into an argument that is doing its darnedest to foreshadow a nasty breakup. (All in the name of a Scott/Allison/Jackson love triangle, of course.)

As Jackson is waiting for Lydia to finish in the bathroom, he sees a figure standing in the distance. He calls out for Scott first, and when that fails, Derek - but it is none of these fine upstanding werewolves. Just the Alpha, who gets down on all fours and skulks off, freaking Jackson the fuck out. And then Lydia comes back. She asks Jackson if he found the missing students, but he's too stunned to answer at first, and starts feeling up his neck wounds again before saying no.

Allison's quest to find Scott takes her to the pool, which is deserted. In the middle of her search, her phone starts to ring - a noise which Scott hears. He recognizes the ringtone and decides to follow it.

Back at the pool, Allison has finished telling Jackson that she's made absolutely no progress when she gets a phone call from "Stiles," who is actually Scott. He asks her where she is and tells her to get to the lobby.

They meet there, and Scott asks Allison what she's doing. Confused, she shows him the text message, which of course he did not send because he does not have a phone. He asks her if she drove there, and she explains that she came with Lydia and Jackson, who also arrive on the scene.

Lydia is all set to collect everyone and leave when the Alpha starts banging around in the ceiling again. Scott tells everyone to run and they do so, heading up the stairs with the Alpha in hot pursuit. Or a hot fursuit. Probably both.

They find a suitable classroom to hide in and start to barricade themselves in. Stiles thinks this is a bad idea, but he is completely ignored; meanwhile, the others want to know exactly what they're running from. However, they also get ignored.

As the others pile loads and loads of furniture in front of the door, Stiles continually tries to get their attention, but fails until they've already finished, at which point he congratulates him - then points out the entire wall of windows they've left unguarded.

Allison, meanwhile, wants to know what's going on. Obviously she can't be clued in to the werewolf menace (since she wouldn't believe them), so Stiles tells everyone that the janitor has been murdered. Jackson wants to know who did it, Scott is silently thoughtful, and Lydia thought that the attacks would be over since the mountain lion is dead. They all start questioning Scott, who tells him that he doesn't know what's going on but that if they're not careful they could all end up dead. Allison continues to demand to know who it is (like as if Scott knows for sure?) and under pressure he says that it is Derek. And that said Derek is also stalking around the school and is liable to kill them all.

Jackson wants to call the police, but Stiles refuses. Lydia takes initiative and makes the call, but gets hung up on - apparently someone called earlier to let them know there would be prank calls about a break-in at the high school. Well, snap.

Allison, meanwhile, wants to know why Derek is killing a load of people. Scott cannot think of anything, and asks why everyone expects him to have the answers. They keep pestering him with questions, so he denies knowledge until they give up.

Stiles takes Scott aside for some private conversation. He points out that if Derek is not, in fact, dead, then Scott's accusation is going to get him into serious trouble. Scott realizes this, but being Scott he's more concerned with what Allison will think about him getting so cranky with her. He's also wondering why the Alpha hasn't killed most of them already. Scott suggests that it has something to do with the Alpha getting revenge on the Argents, and perhaps that's the reason why xe called Allison to the school.

They figure out absolutely nothing, and Jackson interrupts them, telling Stiles to call his dad already. Scott tells him to go with it. Stiles refuses to endanger his dad, and Jackson tries to get Stiles' phone so he can make the call himself, but Stiles punches him in the face to stop him. This consternates Lydia and Allison, and Stiles decides to go ahead and call, but he gets his dad's voicemail.

He's in the midst of leaving a message when the Alpha starts banging on the door. Xe is able to knock out the locks, but the massive barricade slows xem down long enough for the others to escape. Stiles says that they should run to the kitchen, where they can get to the stairwell. It will take them to the third floor, but it will put some distance between them and the Alpha. They manage to escape just as xe bursts through the doors and head up the stairs as planned.

They come out into a third floor hallway, which looks startlingly like all the other hallways they've been in. Nobody loiters, though, as our intrepid heroes barricade themselves in the chemistry lab. Scott blocks the door with a chair, then lurches slightly; Stiles holds him up. Allison looks shocked.

Now that they're safe (for the moment), Scott gets back to work on his escape plan. The latest idea is to use the door that leads to the roof, climb off the school via the fire escape, and leave in Jackson's car. But the door is locked and the dead janitor has the key. Scott decides to get it, since he can find the janitor's body by scent. However, the others won't let him go unarmed. He tries to take the floppy pointer stick, but Allison ain't letting that slide.

Fortunately, they have Lydia, who knows how to make a Molotov cocktail. They steal some of the lab chemicals and she mixes up a sweet bomb for Scott. He's about to take off when Lydia confronts him. She explains that he also has a tell for when he's lying, and she knows he's been lying to her the entire time they've been at the school. (How about "the entire duration of their relationship?") But mostly she doesn't want him to go out there and die. He kisses her and leaves anyway.

Armed with a single-use weapon that is liable to set fire to things, Scott stalks the halls of the school. The Alpha doesn't seem particularly interested in attacking him, and he makes it to the ground floor without incident. But now he must cross the intimidating expanse of The Basketball Court. He decides that the best way to do this is to sneak behind the bleachers, failing to contemplate the fact that they are fully open in the middle of the night. After an intense few minutes of skulking, he feels a drop of blood hit his face. He looks up and sees the janitor's body, hanging from the underside of the bleachers. Dun dun dun.

Back in the classroom, Allison is terrified that Scott's out there all by himself. Jackson comforts her. Down on the first floor, Scott climbs up into the bleachers and tries to grab the janitor's key ring, but he can't quite reach. His fingers brush the keys and set them a-jingling, and as he struggles the bleachers start to fold up.

Yes, obvious trap was obvious.

Scott manages to get both the keys and the Molotov cocktail and escape being squashed messily. Back in the classroom, Lydia frets over the potential usability of her bomb; she's worried that Jackson might have given her the wrong ingredient. Jackson insists he didn't, but Lydia isn't so sure.

Scott is now standing in the open basketball court as the Alpha stalks toward him. He taunts the Alpha into coming after him, then throws the cocktail, which fails to ignite. Scott tries to run, but the Alpha grabs his ankles, pulls him back, and pounces on him so that xe can drool dramatically into his face. He lets out an enormous, school-shaking howl.

This howl causes tremendous discomfort to Jackson, who falls to the floor as everyone stares. As he grabs at his neck wounds, Scott (who is no longer pinned) begins to transform painfully. Jackson does not, however, and once Scott is fully wolfed out he's fine again. However, the others are now concerned for his health, and Stiles asks about the stab marks. He insists that it's nothing.

Scott now stalks the empty school, all wolfed out and overdramatic about it. He seems to feel a need to run his claws along every surface within hand distance, which isn't enough to damage them but is plenty enough to make irritating noises. He hears a voice and follows it.

Lydia tells Jackson that his wound has been there for days (because apparently most wounds heal up after a couple - especially deep ones, yo). He snaps, "As if you actually care."

Scott continues to skulk, breathing loud enough that a hunter could probably shoot him blindfolded. Because it's dramatic, I suppose. He stops in front of a door and starts to unlock it.

Stiles asks Jackson and Lydia to stop arguing, and Allison wonders where Scott is.

Before opening the door, Scott flashes back to all the wonderful times he's spent with Allison. His heart rate slows, and he turns loose of the key, causing a click. Allison hears the noise and runs to the door, trying to open it as she yells for Scott, but she fails. Lydia tells her to be quiet - she hears something.

They all listen. A few seconds later, they run to the window and see the sheriff pull in, alarms blazing.

Back in the hall, Scott is panting heavily; he's angled so one cannot see if he's de-wolfed or not. Then he looks up, showing his fully human face.

Later on, Stiles and Scott are talking to the sheriff. Scott maintains his story that the killer is Derek Hale, and Stiles backs him up. However, they've run into a slight snag - the janitor's body has been removed from under the bleachers. (And all the blood cleaned up, apparently, since that corpse would have been pulverized when they closed.) Stiles' dad tells Scott that he believes him anyway, but Scott calls him out on this bullshit. The sheriff insists that they will search the whole school, then gets called by one of his minions and leaves.

Stiles is pretty happy to be alive, but Scott is still concerned. He's fairly sure that the Alpha knew exactly where they were when they were hiding in the chemistry room, and points out that xe didn't kill them. He hypothesizes that this is because the Alpha wants Scott to kill them all - part of the pack-joining rite.

Scott: "And that's not even the worst part."
Stiles: "How in holy hell is that not the worst part?"

Because, Scott explains, when the Alpha forced him to wolf out, he also endowed him with an urge to kill all of them. Dun dun dun.

Scott and Stiles meander over to the ambulance, where the veterinarian has been found. Yay? He says that Scott saved his life and he probably owes him a raise now. Sheriff Stilinsky shoos them both away, but Scott ain't too broken up - he still has to talk to his dear, darling Allison. But she refuses his offers of help, and then tells him that she doesn't think that she can trust him. (Wow, really?) Scott tries to preserve their relationship by talking over the top of her until she shuts up (way to go, Scott), but she breaks up with him. All right, Allison! You show that stinky little liar who's boss.

And end episode.

Well, this episode was... kind of dull. Teenage angst, cheap horror movie tricks, lousy werewolf effects, yadda. I've never been too fond of Derek, but after watching an episode without him I've started to appreciate him a lot more - he adds some much-needed experience and rationality to the ridiculous shenanigans of the main cast. Please, writers, bring him back next episode. I'm begging you.

Allison finally broke up with Scott. I'm sure I'm supposed to feel sorry for him, but he deserved it. He's been lying to her, manipulating her, etc. since the first episode and she deserves better than that. Even if she is a shining example of Whitey McBlanderson.

Also, I really wish they would stop dragging out this Jackson thing. Believe it or not, guys, no1curr that he's having some weird pain and shit for thirty seconds for the fourth time in as many episodes. The thing that's really pressing is: what is actually going on? This entire debacle feels oddly like getting to have sex only once a week, only to be deprived of orgasm every single time - eventually I'm just going to get fed up and find another show to get my jollies from. Like The Gates. Oh, I'll still watch Teen Wolf, but I'll get it from a third-party source so MTV doesn't get paid for it, or something.

(Yeah, I realize that the episodes have already been filmed and I'm not going to change them with ridiculous and ineffectual threats. I was not serious.)

This episode also contains an Easter egg for fans of the original film - the sound that plays in the background of certain scenes is a quieter version of the sound that plays in the opening of the movie. That weird whumpawhumpawhump that transitions into Scott dribbling the ball. Oh, sublime.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Another Guide To Writing Good Slash

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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Teen Wolf Review: Part Eight - Episode 6

Boy, was it a suspenseful week. MTV's site claimed that last week's episode was going to replay on July 4, so we weren't going to get to see Episode 6 until next week - but they have pulled through, and Episode 6 is now up for your entertainment and my snarking.

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

The episode opens with Scott walking into an underground parking lot. (Why do those things always appear in TV shows? I have never seen one of these in meatlife. I know why artistically - they're closed-in, more secluded than the open-air variety - but they still fall under the header of "urban mysteries I have no familiarity with." But I digress.)

Scott is carrying several bags of something (looks like groceries, but he said his mother does the shopping, so I don't know) and looking for the right car to bring them to. However, he realizes he's on the wrong floor, and goes to look elsewhere. (Holy cow! A multi-floor parking garage? These writers seem to have no idea what small towns actually look like. Srsly.)

Scott makes it to the right parking lot, but he still can't find the car, so he pulls out the keys and pushes the unlock button. He successfully pinpoints the location of the car based on the noise, but before he can get to it, a bottle of something rolls out of one of his bags and under another vehicle. Scott goes to get it, and is surprised when the bottle rolls back, leaking some of its contents (which look strangely like mayonnaise, despite the fact that it is clearly not a mayonnaise jar).

Scott looks up suspiciously, sees nothing, and starts running. (Finally he develops some good sense!) Before long, a loping figure can be seen chasing him through the parking lot.

(I'm sure this scene is meant to be intense, but I'm going to guess that the figure is actually Derek and they're just training. Find out in 10... 9... 8...)

Scott ducks behind a car to catch his breath, but soon he can hear his pursuer getting closer and he takes off again. To confuse whoever is chasing him, he makes a run across the hoods of several cars, causing their alarms to start blaring (because every car ever has a car alarm, frsrs). He runs a while further and then ducks behind yet another car to catch his breath again.

(This being the middle of the night and all, there sure are a lot of cars in this parking lot.)

Scott thinks he's in the clear until his cell phone rings. He tries to turn it off, but too late - TAG! Derek grabs him and slams him into the hood of another car (because property damage is cool while you're training, I guess. Oh, and I was right) and tells him he is now dead.

Cue splash screen.

When the show resumes, Scott is chewing Derek out for scaring him. Evidently Derek prefers the Clouseau style of training, because he gave Scott absolutely no advance warning before launching his pretend attack.

Scott: "You scared the crap out of me!"
(Derek glances at Scott)
Derek: "Not yet."

Derek Hale - still not as badass as Harold Howard. (Who, for those unfamiliar with the film Teen Wolf, can make at least one person wet himself just by growling.)

Scott tries to get Derek to admit that he did at least some things right, but Derek is all about the ways he screwed up. Desperate, Scott admits that he feels terrible about Stiles' dad getting hurt (wait, what? When did this happen?) and insists that he needs Derek to teach him. Derek responds that he's not sure he can teach Scott to control his abilities, since he was bitten rather than born, but that it would expediate things immensely if he could see fit to remove Allison from the picture. (In the "break up" sense, not the "messy murder" sense.)

Scott protests, so Derek destroys his cell phone. Scott gets pissed, which leads to another object lesson: the transformation is driven by anger. (As opposed to more traditional werewolves, who were usually driven by hunger and/or a vindictive urge to slaughter their neighbors' sheeps.) Derek explains that Scott will never be able to get angry enough to transform with Allison in the picture, so the only solution is to cockblock him.

Scott isn't happy, but he says that if it means saving his friends and his own life, he can stay away from Allison until after the next full moon. Hey, does this mean that I won't be subjected to endless scenes of their happy little werewolf dates this episode? If so, I am definitely for this.

Scott, however, doesn't seem to be, because next thing we know, he's getting hot and heavy with Allison in her bedroom. (Well, at least they're doing something exciting for once.) Unfortunately, the Rule of Protagonist Cockblocking kicks in, and their secksy time is interrupted by a knock on the door.

Allison hides Scott in the closet (lolol) and answers the door. It's Kate! Who, inexplicably, has a closer relationship with Allison than her own mother. (I guess women with short, conservative haircuts aren't worth the same amount of screen time.) They talk, and it's explained that Allison has been grounded from seeing Scott, hence the whole "keeping him in her closet" thing. She tries to get rid of Kate by telling her that she's got a history project to do, but this backfires as Kate decides to help her with it. She points Allison in the direction of "La Bete Du Gévaudan."

Well, color me impressed. They actually managed to work in another real legend. Although its connection to werewolves is tenuous at best, the Beast of Gévaudan is the tale from whence the "silver bullet" myth originates. (Believe it or not, Universal Studios actually didn't make up this one.) The story goes that an enormous wolf-like creature (one of two, actually) was slaughtering people in the area, and no one was able to kill it until one hunter got creative. He made a silver bullet (only one bullet, because he was a badass), had a priest bless it so that it would be deadly to the beast, and then went and bagged the bastard. Not only was this effective, but it ensured that any silver bullet afterward would work on any similar beast, due to a rule which causes every item of the same kind as the one blessed (in this case, anything made of silver) to take on the blessing in question.

Unfortunately, MTV decided to Joss the concept of silver bullets before declaring the Origin Myth of Silver Bullets to be canon, so Kate sidesteps this fact. Instead, she tries to convince Allison that the recent animal attacks are somehow connected to the Beast of Gévaudan.

Some time after this exchange, Scott leaves Allison's room through her window. (No report on whether secksy time ever took place.) She waves at him and he leaves.

As Scott is walking through the darkness, he hears a growl in the shadows again. Scott thinks it's Derek, and tries to explain what he's doing at Allison's place (had to tell her why he wasn't answering his phone - sure, kid).

When "Derek" doesn't respond, Scott realizes that he's dealing with a moar different werewolf and runs for his car. He makes it just in the nick of time, and the mysterious werewolf skulks around his car for a bit before drawing a spiral in the fog on Scott's windshield.

Somehow, Scott makes it home. As soon as he gets there, he locks himself into his bedroom and closes his window. Confident that his domicile is secure, he turns on the light - and sees Derek sitting on his bed.

Derek asks what happened with the Alpha. Scott says that he didn't say anything, and Derek explains that Scott's werewolf abilities include super werewolf empathy. This jogs Scott's memory, and he says that he felt a lot of anger coming from the alpha. It wasn't directed at anyone that he could tell, but he says it intensified when the werewolf drew the spiral.

The mention of a spiral piques Derek's interest, and Scott notices. But when he asks, Derek refuses to explain. Scott calls him out on it, pointing out that Derek had also buried his sister's remains under a spiral, but Derek just tells him "you don't want to know" and leaves.

(Ooh! I just had an awesome theory. What if it's some kind of death thing? Like a grave marker! There was a spiral over the grave of Derek's sister, and another one over the store where the guy was killed. Drawing a spiral on Scott's windshield could be the Alpha's way of saying "I kill you.")

At school the next day, Scott is trying very hard to avoid both Allison and Jackson. This is difficult, because he doesn't know where they are until he can actually see them (so much for werewolf senses), and he nearly puts himself into a paranoid fit until he finds his classroom. He takes a seat behind Stiles, who is not talking to him at the moment. He tries to ask about Stiles' dad (who must have been the other person hit by a car), but Stiles refuses to talk until Scott says that he's gone to Derek for help. Stiles does not approve of this plan and says as much, then goes back to ignoring Scott - until his curiosity gets the better of him.

Scott explains what's been going on, and that Derek wants him to learn to tap into his anger. Stiles thinks this is probably a bad idea, since people tend to get attacked when that happens, but Scott says it must be done and that Derek is going to try and help him with it. This makes Stiles jelly, and he decides that he's just going to help Scott himself.

At lunch, Allison tells Lydia all about the Beast of Gévaudan. Their conversation indicates that Allison is referring to the first beast, which explains the lack of silver bullets, but then she declares that the man who killed the beast was named Argent. (Hint: no.) She shows Lydia a picture of the Beast and asks her what it looks like. It looks enough like the attacker from the video store that it nearly triggers a flashback, but Allison snaps Lydia out of it. Lydia, still convinced that Jackson was attacked by a mountain lion, tells her "It looks like a big wolf" and leaves.

At another table, Scott is pretending to read (to avoid looking at Allison) while he talks to Stiles. Stiles still doesn't want to help him, but he figures it's the best way to keep himself and his dad from getting into any more trouble.

Stiles: "Plus, I'm a better Yoda than Derek."
Scott: "Yeah, you teach me."
Stiles: "Yeah, I'll be your Yoda."
Scott: "You be my Yoda."
Stiles (in Yoda voice): "Your Yoda, I will be."

Wow, writers. Such eloquent dialogue. Keep up the good work!

Despite this, Stiles says that he still hates Scott and leaves the table. Scott follows him, and Allison sees him walk by and tries to get his attention. He blows her off Spider-Man style by hiding in the boys' restroom. Allison gives up, and Scott frets about having to avoid her.

Next, Scott and Stiles head out to the lacrosse field. Stiles has a brilliant plan to teach Scott to access his anger: he's going to tie Scott's wrists with duct tape and throw lacrosse balls at him as hard as possible. He's even snurched the coach's heart rate monitor and phone so that he can watch Scott's heart rate and see if it's tied to his transformations.

Scott: "Like the Incredible Hulk?"
Stiles: "Kind of like the Incredible Hulk."
Scott (grinning): "Yeah, I'm like the Incredible Hulk."
Stiles: "Will you shut up and put the strap on?"

At least this was funnier than the last attempt at a nerd joke.

Stiles gets Scott tied up and starts throwing balls. In the midst of this, Jackson walks by the field and happens to see what's going on. He thinks it's hilarious until Scott suddenly doubles over. Stiles looks at the heart rate monitor; Scott's pulse has suddenly accelerated by several BPM.

Jackson stares very closely (though he hasn't Derek's skill for the art), but Scott manages to calm down before he can wolf out. He tells Stiles that Derek was right; the transformation is directly linked to anger and he can't be with Allison because she makes him weak. Allrighty then.

Back in the locker room, Scott bemoans the ongoing lack of Allison in his life. Stiles figures that it's not permanent and he'll just have to avoid her until he learns to control his powers. Scott isn't convinced, since the only other werewolf he knows has been doing the Forever Alone schtick pretty much nonstop. Scott says that he would rather be dead than Forever Alone. Stiles tells him that isn't going to happen.

As they leave, Scott comments that it smells terrible in the locker room, like something is rotting and dying. Soon as they're offscreen, Jackson lurches on - and he is not looking good. He lurches to the mirror, rips off his shirt, and takes the bandage off of the wounds on his neck. They appear to be infected, and badly. A bit later, Jackson starts to vomit... werewolf fingers? Nawp, just a fever-induced hallucination. Someone get this poor guy some penicillin already.

In the school hallway, a pair of mopey-looking legs walk up to Allison, who is sitting on the floor. The person attached to the legs asks Allison what she's reading, and she says "stuff for a history project." (Still studying the Beast, I see. Either there is way more reading material on that subject than I am aware of, or Allison is a really slow reader.)

The owner of the legs sits on the floor next to Allison. It's Jackson, still looking sick. He exchanges some pleasantries with Allison until she asks if he wants something, and he says that he wants to talk. He apologizes for being a douche to Allison and Scott. Allison is dubious, so he explains that he's been extra-douchey because he's always been the best lacrosse player and now feels like Scott has stolen his thunder.

Allison: "Haven't you ever heard that there is no I in team?"
Jackson: "Yeah, but there is a 'me'."

That's right, Allison. Take your platitudes and shove them. Actually, Jackson was joking, and says that Allison must really hate him. She says she doesn't. Jackson says he wouldn't blame her if she did, but that he's not really a bad guy and actually likes Allison and Scott quite a bit. He says he wants to get to know them better. Anything for them steroids, eh, Jackson?

Scott's next class is Economics - incidentally, the class that the coach teaches. It's also a class that he shares with Allison, so he can't avoid talking to her. She asks why he's been avoiding her. He tells her he's been busy. She tells him he needs to get his phone fixed (yeah, 'cause he can totes afford that lykeritenao). Then she springs a surprise on him: she's traded partners for something-or-other, and gotten herself teamed up with him so that he can come to her house to study.

Scott, flustered that his attempts at avoiding Allison are being so easily foiled, tries to weasel out by saying that he doesn't want to bring her grade down. She won't have any of it, though, and tells him he's coming to her house at eight-thirty tonight.

The teacher interrupts their conversation, asking Scott to give a summary of the reading they were supposed to do last night. Scott doesn't remember it, and the coach/teacher puts him on the spot, saying that he can't keep Scott on the lacrosse team if he doesn't get good grades and demanding evidence that Scott has learned anything at any point in his life ever. Scott can't respond; he's too focused on trying to stay calm as his heart rate (monitored by Stiles) approaches critical. The teacher continues to berate him, finally telling him that he's going back to the bench, but Scott continues to ignore him and manages to keep himself in the clear. Relieved, he looks back, and we see that Allison has been holding his hand between the desks.

After class, Stiles shares his latest breakthrough with Scott: Allison is the key to keeping him from losing control. (Unless he's shagging her, of course.) Apparently their Purest Hetero Romance is enough to stop Scott from wolfing out or, if he's already wolfed out, flying into a mindless, murderous rage. Scott figures that this is because he loves Allison, which causes him to realize that, in fact, he loves Allison (as opposed to before, when they were just dating 'cause they were both hot). This causes a temporary dip into the Land of Sweet Addle-Paited Happiness, but Stiles drags him back to reality when he points out that Scott can't keep her around all the time. They need another way to control Scott's transformations - and Stiles has an idea. One that is liable to get Scott in trouble and will involve physical pain, which means that it's pretty much perfect. (Um. Yeah. We'll go with "perfect.")

Stiles takes Scott out to the parking lot. He tells Scott to stand still and hold a car key. Scott complies, and Stiles keys a nearby pickup truck, then pins the blame on Scott. (See? Told you it was brilliant.) This results in Scott getting the crap beat out of him by three irate, full-grown men, while Stiles watches his heart rate and encourages him to stay calm.

Scott tries to focus on Allison, but instead something else happens: he starts getting flashes of another person. The person is typing at a computer, then skateboarding, then walking through the school hallway with an enormous collection of keys. This person stops near Allison, who is telling someone over the phone that she'll be meeting with Scott.

Scott snaps out of it just as he is rescued by the chemistry teacher. Teacher isn't happy, but Stiles is, because once again Scott has avoided wolfing out.

Meanwhile, Derek has stopped in at the rest home to visit his uncle. Derek says that he needs his uncle's help, and asks him to give him a sign if he can hear him. (Um, yeah, that'll work.) He tells his uncle that someone has killed his sister (whose name is Laura, BTW), and explains that the werewolf in question is an alpha without a pack (which means he can be taken down, apparently). Derek believes he can take the alpha down, but not until he finds him, and he seems to think that his uncle (who has been a vegetable for over a decade, IIRC) might know something. When his uncle remains unresponsive, he starts yelling, until a nurse catches him. She tells him that that isn't going to work and that if his uncle is ever going to become communicative again, they're just going to have to wait for it to happen. (I like this nurse. She agrees with me.) Also, Uncle has only been a vegetable for six years.

Derek tells the nurse that he doesn't have any more time and leaves. Just as he departs, the camera pans to his uncle's hand. He is raising a finger. Herp derp, I guess clueless ableist dickwads really do know everything about mental patients.

Out in the parking lot (which is open-air, by the way), Derek finds a note on his windshield and reads it. Its contents aren't shown, but whatever was written obviously disturbs him (either that or he hates snow). He gets into his car and drives away.

We now return to Scott and Stiles, who are serving detention with the chemistry teacher. Scott asks for permission to leave early so that he can go to work, but the teacher ignores him. He then proceeds to have a conversation with Stiles, despite this being the one behavior I know of that is universally forbidden in detention. They establish that Stiles isn't really angry at Scott, just jealous, and since Scott has all these sweet superpowers he has to Do Something. The teacher seems to hear the entire conversation (which wouldn't be surprising because he was sitting maybe ten feet away), but he doesn't react, just dismisses them. He watches them leave, and his cheek twitches.

At the animal clinic, the veterinarian is busy working when the door opens. He starts talking to Scott, only to find out that it is in fact Derek. He asks the vet about a dead deer that he found three months ago, which had a spiral marked on its side. The vet says that he wasn't the one who found it, and besides he's never seen anything else like it, but Derek's lie detector goes off and he grabs the vet.

Next thing we know, the clinic is dark and the vet is tied to a chair. Derek starts questioning him, but he denies knowledge of everything. Derek is about to get violent when Scott walks in on them. The vet tells Scott to leave, but Derek punches him out. Scott demands to know what's going on. Derek tells him that the spiral is a symbol for a vendetta (basically, it means that the alpha's going on a rampage of death, which does not explain the spiral over Laura's grave at all) and that he thinks that the vet may be the Alpha. He starts to attack him, but Scott is very attached to the veterinarian; he wolfs out and holds Derek back.

Derek, who was apparently not expecting that, backs off. Scott returns to his human self and tells Derek that if he hits the vet again, he'll see Scott get angry.

(Not spoken: "You won't like me when I'm angry.")

Scott tells Derek to meet him in an hour at the school parking lot, then tends to the vet's wounds while Derek leaves.

Later on, Scott and Stiles come to the school parking lot together. Stiles isn't big on breaking in - he'd rather ignore whatever problem they're dealing with until it goes away on its own - but Scott tells him "just make sure that we can get inside." Shortly after, Derek arrives, with the veterinarian tied up in the backseat of his car. For safekeeping, I expect.

Scott and Stiles break into the school to enact their master plan: having Scott howl into the school microphone to try and get the Alpha's attention. Scott, being a newbie werewolf, lets out one of the hammiest and most hilarous howls I have heard in a long time (seriously, I think it's only a few octaves away from attracting tomcats). Stiles has a similar opinion of it, and tells Scott that he needs to "be a werewolf, not a teen wolf." Or, in other words, be a mayaun. (Links to the DVDA song "Now You're A Man" on YouTube.)

Scott wolfs it up, and this time produces a sound that shakes the entire school and impresses Derek, despite sounding more like a "stay away" than a "come hither" in wolfspeak. (There's a lot of growling in it.) They come back to the parking lot, and Derek chews them out for being so damn loud. It seems to have worked, as a glimpse is shown of a growling, shadowy figure in the distant foreground. But our protagonists have bigger problems: the vet has mysteriously disappeared from the back of Derek's car.

And then the alpha sticks his claws in Derek's back. Derek coughs blood before the alpha throws him away, and Scott and Stiles run inside the school, crouching behind the doors.

Dun dun dun.

And that's the end of the episode. My gosh, I cannot express how relieving it was not to have to watch Scott and Allison date again. Those two are mind-numbingly shallow. I mean it. I cannot handle them.

There was absolutely no Danny in this episode, at least not that I could see, which bums me out muchly. I want to see more of him, and soon.

While I'm making demands, I also want the writers to hurry up with the Jackson story arc because I am seriously not amused to watch him lurching around half-dead for days on end. Seriously.

Oh, and if the writers think I'm fooled by this "new, compassionate" Jackson, they have so got another think coming. I'm guessing he's only after two things: 'roids, and Allison. And he won't stop until he gets them. Or dies slowly of a horrible werewolf infection.