Teen Wolf Review: Part Eight - Episode 6

Boy, was it a suspenseful week. MTV's site claimed that last week's episode was going to replay on July 4, so we weren't going to get to see Episode 6 until next week - but they have pulled through, and Episode 6 is now up for your entertainment and my snarking.

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

The episode opens with Scott walking into an underground parking lot. (Why do those things always appear in TV shows? I have never seen one of these in meatlife. I know why artistically - they're closed-in, more secluded than the open-air variety - but they still fall under the header of "urban mysteries I have no familiarity with." But I digress.)

Scott is carrying several bags of something (looks like groceries, but he said his mother does the shopping, so I don't know) and looking for the right car to bring them to. However, he realizes he's on the wrong floor, and goes to look elsewhere. (Holy cow! A multi-floor parking garage? These writers seem to have no idea what small towns actually look like. Srsly.)

Scott makes it to the right parking lot, but he still can't find the car, so he pulls out the keys and pushes the unlock button. He successfully pinpoints the location of the car based on the noise, but before he can get to it, a bottle of something rolls out of one of his bags and under another vehicle. Scott goes to get it, and is surprised when the bottle rolls back, leaking some of its contents (which look strangely like mayonnaise, despite the fact that it is clearly not a mayonnaise jar).

Scott looks up suspiciously, sees nothing, and starts running. (Finally he develops some good sense!) Before long, a loping figure can be seen chasing him through the parking lot.

(I'm sure this scene is meant to be intense, but I'm going to guess that the figure is actually Derek and they're just training. Find out in 10... 9... 8...)

Scott ducks behind a car to catch his breath, but soon he can hear his pursuer getting closer and he takes off again. To confuse whoever is chasing him, he makes a run across the hoods of several cars, causing their alarms to start blaring (because every car ever has a car alarm, frsrs). He runs a while further and then ducks behind yet another car to catch his breath again.

(This being the middle of the night and all, there sure are a lot of cars in this parking lot.)

Scott thinks he's in the clear until his cell phone rings. He tries to turn it off, but too late - TAG! Derek grabs him and slams him into the hood of another car (because property damage is cool while you're training, I guess. Oh, and I was right) and tells him he is now dead.

Cue splash screen.

When the show resumes, Scott is chewing Derek out for scaring him. Evidently Derek prefers the Clouseau style of training, because he gave Scott absolutely no advance warning before launching his pretend attack.

Scott: "You scared the crap out of me!"
(Derek glances at Scott)
Derek: "Not yet."

Derek Hale - still not as badass as Harold Howard. (Who, for those unfamiliar with the film Teen Wolf, can make at least one person wet himself just by growling.)

Scott tries to get Derek to admit that he did at least some things right, but Derek is all about the ways he screwed up. Desperate, Scott admits that he feels terrible about Stiles' dad getting hurt (wait, what? When did this happen?) and insists that he needs Derek to teach him. Derek responds that he's not sure he can teach Scott to control his abilities, since he was bitten rather than born, but that it would expediate things immensely if he could see fit to remove Allison from the picture. (In the "break up" sense, not the "messy murder" sense.)

Scott protests, so Derek destroys his cell phone. Scott gets pissed, which leads to another object lesson: the transformation is driven by anger. (As opposed to more traditional werewolves, who were usually driven by hunger and/or a vindictive urge to slaughter their neighbors' sheeps.) Derek explains that Scott will never be able to get angry enough to transform with Allison in the picture, so the only solution is to cockblock him.

Scott isn't happy, but he says that if it means saving his friends and his own life, he can stay away from Allison until after the next full moon. Hey, does this mean that I won't be subjected to endless scenes of their happy little werewolf dates this episode? If so, I am definitely for this.

Scott, however, doesn't seem to be, because next thing we know, he's getting hot and heavy with Allison in her bedroom. (Well, at least they're doing something exciting for once.) Unfortunately, the Rule of Protagonist Cockblocking kicks in, and their secksy time is interrupted by a knock on the door.

Allison hides Scott in the closet (lolol) and answers the door. It's Kate! Who, inexplicably, has a closer relationship with Allison than her own mother. (I guess women with short, conservative haircuts aren't worth the same amount of screen time.) They talk, and it's explained that Allison has been grounded from seeing Scott, hence the whole "keeping him in her closet" thing. She tries to get rid of Kate by telling her that she's got a history project to do, but this backfires as Kate decides to help her with it. She points Allison in the direction of "La Bete Du Gévaudan."

Well, color me impressed. They actually managed to work in another real legend. Although its connection to werewolves is tenuous at best, the Beast of Gévaudan is the tale from whence the "silver bullet" myth originates. (Believe it or not, Universal Studios actually didn't make up this one.) The story goes that an enormous wolf-like creature (one of two, actually) was slaughtering people in the area, and no one was able to kill it until one hunter got creative. He made a silver bullet (only one bullet, because he was a badass), had a priest bless it so that it would be deadly to the beast, and then went and bagged the bastard. Not only was this effective, but it ensured that any silver bullet afterward would work on any similar beast, due to a rule which causes every item of the same kind as the one blessed (in this case, anything made of silver) to take on the blessing in question.

Unfortunately, MTV decided to Joss the concept of silver bullets before declaring the Origin Myth of Silver Bullets to be canon, so Kate sidesteps this fact. Instead, she tries to convince Allison that the recent animal attacks are somehow connected to the Beast of Gévaudan.

Some time after this exchange, Scott leaves Allison's room through her window. (No report on whether secksy time ever took place.) She waves at him and he leaves.

As Scott is walking through the darkness, he hears a growl in the shadows again. Scott thinks it's Derek, and tries to explain what he's doing at Allison's place (had to tell her why he wasn't answering his phone - sure, kid).

When "Derek" doesn't respond, Scott realizes that he's dealing with a moar different werewolf and runs for his car. He makes it just in the nick of time, and the mysterious werewolf skulks around his car for a bit before drawing a spiral in the fog on Scott's windshield.

Somehow, Scott makes it home. As soon as he gets there, he locks himself into his bedroom and closes his window. Confident that his domicile is secure, he turns on the light - and sees Derek sitting on his bed.

Derek asks what happened with the Alpha. Scott says that he didn't say anything, and Derek explains that Scott's werewolf abilities include super werewolf empathy. This jogs Scott's memory, and he says that he felt a lot of anger coming from the alpha. It wasn't directed at anyone that he could tell, but he says it intensified when the werewolf drew the spiral.

The mention of a spiral piques Derek's interest, and Scott notices. But when he asks, Derek refuses to explain. Scott calls him out on it, pointing out that Derek had also buried his sister's remains under a spiral, but Derek just tells him "you don't want to know" and leaves.

(Ooh! I just had an awesome theory. What if it's some kind of death thing? Like a grave marker! There was a spiral over the grave of Derek's sister, and another one over the store where the guy was killed. Drawing a spiral on Scott's windshield could be the Alpha's way of saying "I kill you.")

At school the next day, Scott is trying very hard to avoid both Allison and Jackson. This is difficult, because he doesn't know where they are until he can actually see them (so much for werewolf senses), and he nearly puts himself into a paranoid fit until he finds his classroom. He takes a seat behind Stiles, who is not talking to him at the moment. He tries to ask about Stiles' dad (who must have been the other person hit by a car), but Stiles refuses to talk until Scott says that he's gone to Derek for help. Stiles does not approve of this plan and says as much, then goes back to ignoring Scott - until his curiosity gets the better of him.

Scott explains what's been going on, and that Derek wants him to learn to tap into his anger. Stiles thinks this is probably a bad idea, since people tend to get attacked when that happens, but Scott says it must be done and that Derek is going to try and help him with it. This makes Stiles jelly, and he decides that he's just going to help Scott himself.

At lunch, Allison tells Lydia all about the Beast of Gévaudan. Their conversation indicates that Allison is referring to the first beast, which explains the lack of silver bullets, but then she declares that the man who killed the beast was named Argent. (Hint: no.) She shows Lydia a picture of the Beast and asks her what it looks like. It looks enough like the attacker from the video store that it nearly triggers a flashback, but Allison snaps Lydia out of it. Lydia, still convinced that Jackson was attacked by a mountain lion, tells her "It looks like a big wolf" and leaves.

At another table, Scott is pretending to read (to avoid looking at Allison) while he talks to Stiles. Stiles still doesn't want to help him, but he figures it's the best way to keep himself and his dad from getting into any more trouble.

Stiles: "Plus, I'm a better Yoda than Derek."
Scott: "Yeah, you teach me."
Stiles: "Yeah, I'll be your Yoda."
Scott: "You be my Yoda."
Stiles (in Yoda voice): "Your Yoda, I will be."

Wow, writers. Such eloquent dialogue. Keep up the good work!

Despite this, Stiles says that he still hates Scott and leaves the table. Scott follows him, and Allison sees him walk by and tries to get his attention. He blows her off Spider-Man style by hiding in the boys' restroom. Allison gives up, and Scott frets about having to avoid her.

Next, Scott and Stiles head out to the lacrosse field. Stiles has a brilliant plan to teach Scott to access his anger: he's going to tie Scott's wrists with duct tape and throw lacrosse balls at him as hard as possible. He's even snurched the coach's heart rate monitor and phone so that he can watch Scott's heart rate and see if it's tied to his transformations.

Scott: "Like the Incredible Hulk?"
Stiles: "Kind of like the Incredible Hulk."
Scott (grinning): "Yeah, I'm like the Incredible Hulk."
Stiles: "Will you shut up and put the strap on?"

At least this was funnier than the last attempt at a nerd joke.

Stiles gets Scott tied up and starts throwing balls. In the midst of this, Jackson walks by the field and happens to see what's going on. He thinks it's hilarious until Scott suddenly doubles over. Stiles looks at the heart rate monitor; Scott's pulse has suddenly accelerated by several BPM.

Jackson stares very closely (though he hasn't Derek's skill for the art), but Scott manages to calm down before he can wolf out. He tells Stiles that Derek was right; the transformation is directly linked to anger and he can't be with Allison because she makes him weak. Allrighty then.

Back in the locker room, Scott bemoans the ongoing lack of Allison in his life. Stiles figures that it's not permanent and he'll just have to avoid her until he learns to control his powers. Scott isn't convinced, since the only other werewolf he knows has been doing the Forever Alone schtick pretty much nonstop. Scott says that he would rather be dead than Forever Alone. Stiles tells him that isn't going to happen.

As they leave, Scott comments that it smells terrible in the locker room, like something is rotting and dying. Soon as they're offscreen, Jackson lurches on - and he is not looking good. He lurches to the mirror, rips off his shirt, and takes the bandage off of the wounds on his neck. They appear to be infected, and badly. A bit later, Jackson starts to vomit... werewolf fingers? Nawp, just a fever-induced hallucination. Someone get this poor guy some penicillin already.

In the school hallway, a pair of mopey-looking legs walk up to Allison, who is sitting on the floor. The person attached to the legs asks Allison what she's reading, and she says "stuff for a history project." (Still studying the Beast, I see. Either there is way more reading material on that subject than I am aware of, or Allison is a really slow reader.)

The owner of the legs sits on the floor next to Allison. It's Jackson, still looking sick. He exchanges some pleasantries with Allison until she asks if he wants something, and he says that he wants to talk. He apologizes for being a douche to Allison and Scott. Allison is dubious, so he explains that he's been extra-douchey because he's always been the best lacrosse player and now feels like Scott has stolen his thunder.

Allison: "Haven't you ever heard that there is no I in team?"
Jackson: "Yeah, but there is a 'me'."

That's right, Allison. Take your platitudes and shove them. Actually, Jackson was joking, and says that Allison must really hate him. She says she doesn't. Jackson says he wouldn't blame her if she did, but that he's not really a bad guy and actually likes Allison and Scott quite a bit. He says he wants to get to know them better. Anything for them steroids, eh, Jackson?

Scott's next class is Economics - incidentally, the class that the coach teaches. It's also a class that he shares with Allison, so he can't avoid talking to her. She asks why he's been avoiding her. He tells her he's been busy. She tells him he needs to get his phone fixed (yeah, 'cause he can totes afford that lykeritenao). Then she springs a surprise on him: she's traded partners for something-or-other, and gotten herself teamed up with him so that he can come to her house to study.

Scott, flustered that his attempts at avoiding Allison are being so easily foiled, tries to weasel out by saying that he doesn't want to bring her grade down. She won't have any of it, though, and tells him he's coming to her house at eight-thirty tonight.

The teacher interrupts their conversation, asking Scott to give a summary of the reading they were supposed to do last night. Scott doesn't remember it, and the coach/teacher puts him on the spot, saying that he can't keep Scott on the lacrosse team if he doesn't get good grades and demanding evidence that Scott has learned anything at any point in his life ever. Scott can't respond; he's too focused on trying to stay calm as his heart rate (monitored by Stiles) approaches critical. The teacher continues to berate him, finally telling him that he's going back to the bench, but Scott continues to ignore him and manages to keep himself in the clear. Relieved, he looks back, and we see that Allison has been holding his hand between the desks.

After class, Stiles shares his latest breakthrough with Scott: Allison is the key to keeping him from losing control. (Unless he's shagging her, of course.) Apparently their Purest Hetero Romance is enough to stop Scott from wolfing out or, if he's already wolfed out, flying into a mindless, murderous rage. Scott figures that this is because he loves Allison, which causes him to realize that, in fact, he loves Allison (as opposed to before, when they were just dating 'cause they were both hot). This causes a temporary dip into the Land of Sweet Addle-Paited Happiness, but Stiles drags him back to reality when he points out that Scott can't keep her around all the time. They need another way to control Scott's transformations - and Stiles has an idea. One that is liable to get Scott in trouble and will involve physical pain, which means that it's pretty much perfect. (Um. Yeah. We'll go with "perfect.")

Stiles takes Scott out to the parking lot. He tells Scott to stand still and hold a car key. Scott complies, and Stiles keys a nearby pickup truck, then pins the blame on Scott. (See? Told you it was brilliant.) This results in Scott getting the crap beat out of him by three irate, full-grown men, while Stiles watches his heart rate and encourages him to stay calm.

Scott tries to focus on Allison, but instead something else happens: he starts getting flashes of another person. The person is typing at a computer, then skateboarding, then walking through the school hallway with an enormous collection of keys. This person stops near Allison, who is telling someone over the phone that she'll be meeting with Scott.

Scott snaps out of it just as he is rescued by the chemistry teacher. Teacher isn't happy, but Stiles is, because once again Scott has avoided wolfing out.

Meanwhile, Derek has stopped in at the rest home to visit his uncle. Derek says that he needs his uncle's help, and asks him to give him a sign if he can hear him. (Um, yeah, that'll work.) He tells his uncle that someone has killed his sister (whose name is Laura, BTW), and explains that the werewolf in question is an alpha without a pack (which means he can be taken down, apparently). Derek believes he can take the alpha down, but not until he finds him, and he seems to think that his uncle (who has been a vegetable for over a decade, IIRC) might know something. When his uncle remains unresponsive, he starts yelling, until a nurse catches him. She tells him that that isn't going to work and that if his uncle is ever going to become communicative again, they're just going to have to wait for it to happen. (I like this nurse. She agrees with me.) Also, Uncle has only been a vegetable for six years.

Derek tells the nurse that he doesn't have any more time and leaves. Just as he departs, the camera pans to his uncle's hand. He is raising a finger. Herp derp, I guess clueless ableist dickwads really do know everything about mental patients.

Out in the parking lot (which is open-air, by the way), Derek finds a note on his windshield and reads it. Its contents aren't shown, but whatever was written obviously disturbs him (either that or he hates snow). He gets into his car and drives away.

We now return to Scott and Stiles, who are serving detention with the chemistry teacher. Scott asks for permission to leave early so that he can go to work, but the teacher ignores him. He then proceeds to have a conversation with Stiles, despite this being the one behavior I know of that is universally forbidden in detention. They establish that Stiles isn't really angry at Scott, just jealous, and since Scott has all these sweet superpowers he has to Do Something. The teacher seems to hear the entire conversation (which wouldn't be surprising because he was sitting maybe ten feet away), but he doesn't react, just dismisses them. He watches them leave, and his cheek twitches.

At the animal clinic, the veterinarian is busy working when the door opens. He starts talking to Scott, only to find out that it is in fact Derek. He asks the vet about a dead deer that he found three months ago, which had a spiral marked on its side. The vet says that he wasn't the one who found it, and besides he's never seen anything else like it, but Derek's lie detector goes off and he grabs the vet.

Next thing we know, the clinic is dark and the vet is tied to a chair. Derek starts questioning him, but he denies knowledge of everything. Derek is about to get violent when Scott walks in on them. The vet tells Scott to leave, but Derek punches him out. Scott demands to know what's going on. Derek tells him that the spiral is a symbol for a vendetta (basically, it means that the alpha's going on a rampage of death, which does not explain the spiral over Laura's grave at all) and that he thinks that the vet may be the Alpha. He starts to attack him, but Scott is very attached to the veterinarian; he wolfs out and holds Derek back.

Derek, who was apparently not expecting that, backs off. Scott returns to his human self and tells Derek that if he hits the vet again, he'll see Scott get angry.

(Not spoken: "You won't like me when I'm angry.")

Scott tells Derek to meet him in an hour at the school parking lot, then tends to the vet's wounds while Derek leaves.

Later on, Scott and Stiles come to the school parking lot together. Stiles isn't big on breaking in - he'd rather ignore whatever problem they're dealing with until it goes away on its own - but Scott tells him "just make sure that we can get inside." Shortly after, Derek arrives, with the veterinarian tied up in the backseat of his car. For safekeeping, I expect.

Scott and Stiles break into the school to enact their master plan: having Scott howl into the school microphone to try and get the Alpha's attention. Scott, being a newbie werewolf, lets out one of the hammiest and most hilarous howls I have heard in a long time (seriously, I think it's only a few octaves away from attracting tomcats). Stiles has a similar opinion of it, and tells Scott that he needs to "be a werewolf, not a teen wolf." Or, in other words, be a mayaun. (Links to the DVDA song "Now You're A Man" on YouTube.)

Scott wolfs it up, and this time produces a sound that shakes the entire school and impresses Derek, despite sounding more like a "stay away" than a "come hither" in wolfspeak. (There's a lot of growling in it.) They come back to the parking lot, and Derek chews them out for being so damn loud. It seems to have worked, as a glimpse is shown of a growling, shadowy figure in the distant foreground. But our protagonists have bigger problems: the vet has mysteriously disappeared from the back of Derek's car.

And then the alpha sticks his claws in Derek's back. Derek coughs blood before the alpha throws him away, and Scott and Stiles run inside the school, crouching behind the doors.

Dun dun dun.

And that's the end of the episode. My gosh, I cannot express how relieving it was not to have to watch Scott and Allison date again. Those two are mind-numbingly shallow. I mean it. I cannot handle them.

There was absolutely no Danny in this episode, at least not that I could see, which bums me out muchly. I want to see more of him, and soon.

While I'm making demands, I also want the writers to hurry up with the Jackson story arc because I am seriously not amused to watch him lurching around half-dead for days on end. Seriously.

Oh, and if the writers think I'm fooled by this "new, compassionate" Jackson, they have so got another think coming. I'm guessing he's only after two things: 'roids, and Allison. And he won't stop until he gets them. Or dies slowly of a horrible werewolf infection.