Deconstructing the Privileged Brain 1: Optimism

You remember way back when I was going to do that? Well, I'm still gonna do it. I'm not going to waste my time telling you why you should try to deconstruct your privileged brain; if you really care about listening to people who are different from yourself then you already know why and if not, you can come back when you're ready.

So, without further ado, this is Deconstructing the Privileged Brain, Part 1: Optimism.

I remember pretty clearly that, when I started reading about racism, I didn't want to believe what I was reading. There was a pretty simple reason for that: I liked to believe the best in people. Especially people who are like me (i.e. white). I wasn't deluded, of course - I knew that people were racist and nasty. But the idea that every single white person was racist - and, even if they were trying not to, were probably actively committing racism at any given time? That was horrible.

I especially didn't want to believe that I could be contributing to this problem in a serious way. After all, I wasn't a bad person - at least, I didn't think I was. I didn't hate people of color. I couldn't admit I was racist! That would mean I was a meanie, and I so wasn't.

These thoughts are all rooted in the kyriarchy, of course. White American culture has a fixation with being "a good person;" admitting that you, personally, could be harming another person is generally unthinkable unless you are an alcoholic or an abuser. This is telling of the kind of black-and-white morals our society is usually obsessed with. You're either a good guy or a bad guy, you're a racist or a liberal, you either beat your kids until they bruise or you're not an abusive parent. You're an optimist or a pessimist. Being a Good Person is the ultimate goal, in fact. If you're not nice enough to be a Good Person, then you should at least Have Your Heart In The Right Place. If you don't, you're a Jerk or a Douchebag, and deserve to be shunned from all of civilization.

To compound the problem, morality in our culture was mainly invented - and is still mostly maintained - by high-ranking, white, rich, heterosexual, cisgender, able-bodied Christian men. As a result, the things that are considered good and moral in our society are mainly those that are relevant to this group of people. Our various concessions - such as "be civil to the underprivileged" - have come only because those who are affected by them have demanded them, and only when the issue became so prominent that it crippled the ability of privileged persons to go on thinking of themselves as decent people.

It is no accident that one of the primary commandments of Christianity, and one of our great moral tenets in this country, is to "suck up and take it." Don't call out racism, homophobia, ableism. If you do, then you're a dissident. A fight-starter. A whiner. Or worse - "oversensitive." The most valued person in our culture - aside from a heroic white man who fixes all of the problems that other white men agree are actual problems - is a perpetual martyr. One who doesn't shun the Douchebag, even though xe deserves it. One who works a grueling job for ten hours a day so she can afford to feed her children (at least as long as she's white). One who always has a smile for everyone xe meets, no matter how bad of a day xe has. Someone who has struggles - heaps and heaps of struggles, even - but recognizes that other people are More Important and dedicates xir life to making theirs better.

Most importantly, xe must believe that everyone else is a Good Person and that the entire country is a wonderful, opportunity-loaded place suitable for all who live there. Failure to maintain this unrealistic viewpoint, particularly if you actually voice your negative opinions, gets you branded a Cynic, a Pessimist, an all-around Party Pooper.

Unless you're a rich, white, straight man - in which case you are Making a Difference and your complaints are 100% justified and necessary.

It is these societal mores that lead to the privileged mindset as I described it above. Of course, the depth with which we absorb this attitude is directly proportionate to how privileged we are ourselves. For instance, growing up with straight, white, TAB, Christian, English-speaking, locally-born, neurotypical, and some cisgender privilege made me quite receptive. For nearly two decades I believed as I was taught - that everyone had equal opportunities and that affirmative action actually took needed resources away from white people, that gay pride was an unnecessary celebration of deviance, that undocumented immigrants were stubborn criminals who came to the country to leech freebies off of the taxpayers.

Becoming an atheist helped me to become more aware of these inequalities, as I spent a lot of time in atheist circles for the first few months, learning that atheists are the least trusted minority in the United States and that a slew of stereotypes made it difficult for us to obtain and maintain employment and friendly relations with others. But I still wasn't sure about those gays, and I didn't believe in racism, because that fight was over, right? (None of the atheists I read - mostly white - had anything to say about any oppression other than the religious kind.)

Realizing my bisexuality and gender fluidity gave me a stake in gay issues, making me realize that the fight for equality was both ongoing and necessary. But I still didn't know anything about trans people (those are women stuck in men's bodies, right?) and I still didn't believe in racism, because they kept saying that gay was the new black and it was just so catchy.

Realizing that I was transgender shook my world. Suddenly I was able to look at everything from a completely different angle. I began to absorb the depth and complexity of the non-straightcis world. I knew what it felt like to be truly, honestly queer - one of the least known and understood varieties of human beings available. But I still didn't believe that racism was a problem, or ableism, or one of a bajillion other forms of prejudice - because, except for people belonging to my intersections and a few select others, we were all equals, right?

That's how pervasive the mindset of privilege is.

I was fortunate enough to be pointed to the link that would change my life - a reference to Womanist Musings via Tranifesto. I knew what womanist meant - a feminist of color, in a manner of speaking. I knew that the movement had been started because of alleged racism in feminism, and I'd even read some things they'd written, but I hadn't stuck around. The writing of womanists seemed so hostile to white people.

I found that to be true this time, as well. Despite my rejection of a number of societal norms, I had unquestioningly bought into the idea that I was a Good Person, and being confronted with people of color - quite a lot of them, as I moved from Womanist Musings to Stuff White People Do, Racialicious, and other blogs - who dared to insinuate that I must be doing something wrong just because I was white - was completely offensive to my privileged sensibilities. Because if I was this badly racist, then I couldn't be a Good Person, and therefore I must be a Douchebag, and so what these people were saying was obviously that I was worthless as a human being. Right?

Dismantling this idea in your head isn't something that can be done overnight. It's not even something that I can teach you to do. The best thing I can do is offer some pointers:

• Listen. This can be hard for a variety of reasons. Some people are used to having their opinions heard at all times. Others, like me, are used to being silenced, and have a knee-jerk reaction when ANYONE tells us to "sit down and shut up." This, plus the shock of being confronted with someone daring to say something that flies in the face of everything we've been taught, makes it hard to listen with an open mind. The thing is, if you're reading this now, your mind is already open enough to begin the learning process. Do what you are asked, and read without commentating with knee-jerk responses or what seem at this point to be reasonable rebuttals. If you do, you will learn the truth.
• Don't throw your responses and rebuttals at the writers - but do write them down. Every time you read about any oppression issue that doesn't seem right to you, write down the reason or at least keep it in mind. Eventually you will come across an explanation that will satisfy your objection, without creating an ugly argument in a place where it doesn't belong.
• Be patient! Your programmed optimism is a barrier that is working to prevent you from believing that things could really be as bad as they say. Unlearning a privileged mindset is a lifelong endeavor - expect about a year to get the basics down - and you might not understand a given issue the first, second, or third time you read it. Bookmark any subjects that you're having trouble getting your head around, and re-read them at a later date.
• Cross-reference. I'm ashamed to say that there were a number of issues relating specifically to racism that I didn't understand at all until I encountered a parallel issue relating to sexism or another form of discrimination. Our brains are so locked up with prejudice that sometimes we do have to resort to such techniques. If you're willing to learn, it's worth it.
• Take a break once in a while. It can be - no, it is - very startling to learn that a world you thought was pretty damned awesome is actually pretty fucked up. Even moreso to learn that you, specifically, are helping to make it that way. When you first start reading about racism, for example, it's easy to imagine that all of the anger coming from the writers is being directed at you specifically, and it becomes very stressful and counterproductive to your education. It's not the responsibility of the people you're learning from to hold your hand through the deprogramming process, so when you feel yourself becoming bitter or defensive, walk away for a while. Write about what you're feeling, talk about it with someone close to you, or lose yourself in something familiar and comfortable, and come back when you're feeling calmer.
• When you start to take something personally, examine it. A lot of people say "If it's not about you, don't make it about you," but I say, "If you think it's about you, figure out why." If your first instinct is to leave a message saying "I'm not like that!" then ask yourself: are you saying this because you're really afraid they are painting everyone with the same brush (they aren't), or because you're afraid that you're not the exception to the rule? I personally had trouble in this vein for one of two reasons: either I was afraid that I would internalize the behavior being described and actually become worse (which is something that I have to fight), or because I knew I could do the thing in question and wanted to assert that I hadn't to make myself feel better. The job of your brain is to soothe your fear and reinforce your love of society's inherent goodness, which is something you should be putting on the back burner during the learning process.

That's pretty much it for Part 1. With any luck I've managed to say anything that I was hoping to say with any kind of comprehensibility. Thank you, and good night.