Deconstructing the Privileged Brain 1: Optimism

You remember way back when I was going to do that? Well, I'm still gonna do it. I'm not going to waste my time telling you why you should try to deconstruct your privileged brain; if you really care about listening to people who are different from yourself then you already know why and if not, you can come back when you're ready.

So, without further ado, this is Deconstructing the Privileged Brain, Part 1: Optimism.

I remember pretty clearly that, when I started reading about racism, I didn't want to believe what I was reading. There was a pretty simple reason for that: I liked to believe the best in people. Especially people who are like me (i.e. white). I wasn't deluded, of course - I knew that people were racist and nasty. But the idea that every single white person was racist - and, even if they were trying not to, were probably actively committing racism at any given time? That was horrible.

I especially didn't want to believe that I could be contributing to this problem in a serious way. After all, I wasn't a bad person - at least, I didn't think I was. I didn't hate people of color. I couldn't admit I was racist! That would mean I was a meanie, and I so wasn't.

These thoughts are all rooted in the kyriarchy, of course. White American culture has a fixation with being "a good person;" admitting that you, personally, could be harming another person is generally unthinkable unless you are an alcoholic or an abuser. This is telling of the kind of black-and-white morals our society is usually obsessed with. You're either a good guy or a bad guy, you're a racist or a liberal, you either beat your kids until they bruise or you're not an abusive parent. You're an optimist or a pessimist. Being a Good Person is the ultimate goal, in fact. If you're not nice enough to be a Good Person, then you should at least Have Your Heart In The Right Place. If you don't, you're a Jerk or a Douchebag, and deserve to be shunned from all of civilization.

To compound the problem, morality in our culture was mainly invented - and is still mostly maintained - by high-ranking, white, rich, heterosexual, cisgender, able-bodied Christian men. As a result, the things that are considered good and moral in our society are mainly those that are relevant to this group of people. Our various concessions - such as "be civil to the underprivileged" - have come only because those who are affected by them have demanded them, and only when the issue became so prominent that it crippled the ability of privileged persons to go on thinking of themselves as decent people.

It is no accident that one of the primary commandments of Christianity, and one of our great moral tenets in this country, is to "suck up and take it." Don't call out racism, homophobia, ableism. If you do, then you're a dissident. A fight-starter. A whiner. Or worse - "oversensitive." The most valued person in our culture - aside from a heroic white man who fixes all of the problems that other white men agree are actual problems - is a perpetual martyr. One who doesn't shun the Douchebag, even though xe deserves it. One who works a grueling job for ten hours a day so she can afford to feed her children (at least as long as she's white). One who always has a smile for everyone xe meets, no matter how bad of a day xe has. Someone who has struggles - heaps and heaps of struggles, even - but recognizes that other people are More Important and dedicates xir life to making theirs better.

Most importantly, xe must believe that everyone else is a Good Person and that the entire country is a wonderful, opportunity-loaded place suitable for all who live there. Failure to maintain this unrealistic viewpoint, particularly if you actually voice your negative opinions, gets you branded a Cynic, a Pessimist, an all-around Party Pooper.

Unless you're a rich, white, straight man - in which case you are Making a Difference and your complaints are 100% justified and necessary.

It is these societal mores that lead to the privileged mindset as I described it above. Of course, the depth with which we absorb this attitude is directly proportionate to how privileged we are ourselves. For instance, growing up with straight, white, TAB, Christian, English-speaking, locally-born, neurotypical, and some cisgender privilege made me quite receptive. For nearly two decades I believed as I was taught - that everyone had equal opportunities and that affirmative action actually took needed resources away from white people, that gay pride was an unnecessary celebration of deviance, that undocumented immigrants were stubborn criminals who came to the country to leech freebies off of the taxpayers.

Becoming an atheist helped me to become more aware of these inequalities, as I spent a lot of time in atheist circles for the first few months, learning that atheists are the least trusted minority in the United States and that a slew of stereotypes made it difficult for us to obtain and maintain employment and friendly relations with others. But I still wasn't sure about those gays, and I didn't believe in racism, because that fight was over, right? (None of the atheists I read - mostly white - had anything to say about any oppression other than the religious kind.)

Realizing my bisexuality and gender fluidity gave me a stake in gay issues, making me realize that the fight for equality was both ongoing and necessary. But I still didn't know anything about trans people (those are women stuck in men's bodies, right?) and I still didn't believe in racism, because they kept saying that gay was the new black and it was just so catchy.

Realizing that I was transgender shook my world. Suddenly I was able to look at everything from a completely different angle. I began to absorb the depth and complexity of the non-straightcis world. I knew what it felt like to be truly, honestly queer - one of the least known and understood varieties of human beings available. But I still didn't believe that racism was a problem, or ableism, or one of a bajillion other forms of prejudice - because, except for people belonging to my intersections and a few select others, we were all equals, right?

That's how pervasive the mindset of privilege is.

I was fortunate enough to be pointed to the link that would change my life - a reference to Womanist Musings via Tranifesto. I knew what womanist meant - a feminist of color, in a manner of speaking. I knew that the movement had been started because of alleged racism in feminism, and I'd even read some things they'd written, but I hadn't stuck around. The writing of womanists seemed so hostile to white people.

I found that to be true this time, as well. Despite my rejection of a number of societal norms, I had unquestioningly bought into the idea that I was a Good Person, and being confronted with people of color - quite a lot of them, as I moved from Womanist Musings to Stuff White People Do, Racialicious, and other blogs - who dared to insinuate that I must be doing something wrong just because I was white - was completely offensive to my privileged sensibilities. Because if I was this badly racist, then I couldn't be a Good Person, and therefore I must be a Douchebag, and so what these people were saying was obviously that I was worthless as a human being. Right?

Dismantling this idea in your head isn't something that can be done overnight. It's not even something that I can teach you to do. The best thing I can do is offer some pointers:

• Listen. This can be hard for a variety of reasons. Some people are used to having their opinions heard at all times. Others, like me, are used to being silenced, and have a knee-jerk reaction when ANYONE tells us to "sit down and shut up." This, plus the shock of being confronted with someone daring to say something that flies in the face of everything we've been taught, makes it hard to listen with an open mind. The thing is, if you're reading this now, your mind is already open enough to begin the learning process. Do what you are asked, and read without commentating with knee-jerk responses or what seem at this point to be reasonable rebuttals. If you do, you will learn the truth.
• Don't throw your responses and rebuttals at the writers - but do write them down. Every time you read about any oppression issue that doesn't seem right to you, write down the reason or at least keep it in mind. Eventually you will come across an explanation that will satisfy your objection, without creating an ugly argument in a place where it doesn't belong.
• Be patient! Your programmed optimism is a barrier that is working to prevent you from believing that things could really be as bad as they say. Unlearning a privileged mindset is a lifelong endeavor - expect about a year to get the basics down - and you might not understand a given issue the first, second, or third time you read it. Bookmark any subjects that you're having trouble getting your head around, and re-read them at a later date.
• Cross-reference. I'm ashamed to say that there were a number of issues relating specifically to racism that I didn't understand at all until I encountered a parallel issue relating to sexism or another form of discrimination. Our brains are so locked up with prejudice that sometimes we do have to resort to such techniques. If you're willing to learn, it's worth it.
• Take a break once in a while. It can be - no, it is - very startling to learn that a world you thought was pretty damned awesome is actually pretty fucked up. Even moreso to learn that you, specifically, are helping to make it that way. When you first start reading about racism, for example, it's easy to imagine that all of the anger coming from the writers is being directed at you specifically, and it becomes very stressful and counterproductive to your education. It's not the responsibility of the people you're learning from to hold your hand through the deprogramming process, so when you feel yourself becoming bitter or defensive, walk away for a while. Write about what you're feeling, talk about it with someone close to you, or lose yourself in something familiar and comfortable, and come back when you're feeling calmer.
• When you start to take something personally, examine it. A lot of people say "If it's not about you, don't make it about you," but I say, "If you think it's about you, figure out why." If your first instinct is to leave a message saying "I'm not like that!" then ask yourself: are you saying this because you're really afraid they are painting everyone with the same brush (they aren't), or because you're afraid that you're not the exception to the rule? I personally had trouble in this vein for one of two reasons: either I was afraid that I would internalize the behavior being described and actually become worse (which is something that I have to fight), or because I knew I could do the thing in question and wanted to assert that I hadn't to make myself feel better. The job of your brain is to soothe your fear and reinforce your love of society's inherent goodness, which is something you should be putting on the back burner during the learning process.

That's pretty much it for Part 1. With any luck I've managed to say anything that I was hoping to say with any kind of comprehensibility. Thank you, and good night.

Renee of Womanist Musings on Chris Brown

TRIGGER WARNING: discusses domestic violence (non-explicit)

When I saw the headline "Chris Brown refers to beating of Rihanna as 'mishap'," I knew this wasn't going to be pretty. And Renee of Womanist Musings explains exactly why.

Abusers like Brown don't just hit one time and then change their ways. Abuse become a pattern, a way of life, and the fact that he was raised watching domestic violencem means that he has already identified the oppressor rather than the victim. The pattern of abuse is very hard to break and even men that receive counseling often end up re abusing. While there is no guarantee that Brown will hit another woman, there is also no guarantee he won't. We need to remember that most often, domestic abuse goes on for year and in some cases ends in death.

...

He then went on to complain about those who stopped associating with him in the wake of his violent actions against Rihanna. He finishes by referring to the battering of Rihanna as "mishap." If he cannot even acknowledge what he did, how is anyone to believe that he feels responsible for his actions and wants to genuinely make amends. There have stars like Rick Sanchez and even my beloved Queen Latifah who have suggested that the public should consider his youth, or that enough time has passed for us to move on. This comes down to the fact that even talented, beautiful, class privileged women like Rihanna are disposable. Violence against women is an issue that society tends to pay lip service to and this is why men like Brown can freely refer to instances of outright violence as a "mishap."

A-MEN. Let me reiterate: anyone who can look back at BEATING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING and call it a "mishap" has not learned their lesson. And I just want to add: the recipient doesn't have to be a woman. The same kind of language has been used by parents who have beaten their children (who often add "I just got too mad and lost control!" as if that was an acceptable excuse. Ho-hum, ageism), white men beating black men, cis men murdering trans women. The only thing that matters is that the victim has less privilege than his or her attacker, because when THAT factor comes into play suddenly it was a horrible mistake and he didn't mean it and he really, REALLY shouldn't be punished that hard because HOW COULD HE HELP IT?

You know if Rihanna was a white man - or even a white woman, possibly - it wouldn't have played out this way. And his behavior should not be going unchecked in this instance, either. The enemy is right in front of you. Let's treat him like the criminal he is.

Trans Male Privilege - Oh, Yes, We Have It.

You can consider this a sequel to the last post. Or not. But it does deserve coverage. To deny that trans men have certain privileges over trans women - and quite a list, at that - is just plain irresponsible.

I'm probably going to be talking a lot more through this one, because it is a very complex situation. The interesting thing about trans male privilege is that while some of it comes from us obtaining male privilege after we pass, a lot of it is, in fact, female privilege that we had before. Female privilege is something that doesn't get talked about very much - at least until a discussion of trans male privilege starts - but it does exist. It doesn't "balance things out" or make them better or whatnot. In fact, a lot of female privileges paradoxically exist because of misogyny. That would be a good subject for a whole other post.

In the meantime, if you are curious as to what trans male privilege looks like, here it is.


1: Trans men are often admitted to women-only spaces where trans women are not.

I'm going to start this one by telling a story. Once upon a time, I had a friend. He was a really great friend - one of the few I had - and we had a lot of good times together. We usually hung out at his house, and usually in his bedroom just because it was private, and all was amazing.

Until one day, when I was told I couldn't go in there anymore. The reason: "No girls allowed."

I was floored. We had been friends for years. Admittedly it was a casual friendship, and I wasn't out at this time, but I assumed that he knew me well enough to know there was no reason to keep me out of his room. I was wrong. It turned out he valued my genitals more than my personhood, more than our relationship, more than our shared experience of hanging out having fun together.

How often does a trans man get excluded from male-only spaces? Not often, but you can bet that when we are we're fit to be tied. After all, it's blatantly obvious that our genitals are being considered more important than our actual right AS MEN to be there. But when a trans woman complains about being excluded from women-only spaces, what happens? Well, I've been party to these kind of discussions, and here's how it plays out: "Huh." "Really?" "I wonder why." "Oh, well, there are trans men working on it, so can we move on to something else?"

There are so many questions that go along with this, like "Why do trans men want into these spaces to begin with?" The answer seems to be either vaginal solidarity, or the fact that we've spent a long time putting up with misogyny owing to our physical appearance. But - and here's the big one - trans women haven't? Just because they started later than you doesn't mean that they're not catching up and fast. The only other reason one could possibly want to keep trans women out of women-only spaces is the one that I demonstrated above - genital paranoia. If the women in your group are that afraid of letting in someone who has or has had a penis, guys, you might start asking yourselves why you are allowed to stick around.


One thing I mentioned in my last post is that trans men are somewhat invisible. We haven't been portrayed as frequently as trans women (though we are catching up.) Which leads me to my next point...

2. When we are portrayed in media, it is usually positive.

When Thomas Beattie got pregnant way back in the day, it was something of a freakshow. OMG PREGANT MAN. WEIRDEST THING EVER. Now suppose the situation was reversed, and a trans lesbian had kept her reproductive organs and temporarily ceased hormone therapy so she could father a child. You know what the reaction would have been?

IT'S A FAAAAKE.

Her womanhood would have been put under intense scrutiny. She would probably have been referred to using her pre-change name, and male pronouns. Her media presence would be "a poor, deluded man who thinks he's a woman but obviously isn't ready to make all the necessary sacrifices."

Why? Because that's the reaction that nearly every trans woman gets. Unless she is post-hormones, post-op, name-change, the full shebang - and sometimes even then - her genetic history is considered more important than how she feels and (most importantly) asks to be addressed. Not that trans men are given a free pass - we get misgendered quite a bit. But we do have one other big advantage:

3. "Trans man" or "FTM crossdresser" is not used as shorthand for "mentally ill."

Take a look at the portrayal of trans men and women who have dressed as men over the years. You've got the standard Crossdresser narrative, employed by Shakespeare, demonstrated by several great women who had to dress as men to overcome oppression, and used recently in cheeky romance stories ("Just One of the Guys" was a favorite of mine). You've got Boys Don't Cry - the FTM edition of the "tragic transsexual" storyline that has been used on trans female characters for years. And lately we have Degrassi's Adam Torres, an extremely well-written and sympathetic character.

Now, we've had a share of floaters (see: The L Word). But look at the film history of trans women and crossdressing men. The Tragic Transsexual has been used in multiple films (such as the film adaptation of I Want What I Want and Breakfast on Pluto). A whole story (Hedwig and the Angry Inch) is dedicated to the unfortunate tale of a man who believes that he needs to transition and ends up regretting it - not a wholly bad premise, but it serves the rather unfortunate effect of implying that trans women do not know why they are and what they need to do. And when we get to crossdressing, there are only two common narratives: the Drag Queen (Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; La Cage Aux Folles, RuPaul's Drag Race, etc.) and the Crossdressing Slasher (Psycho and a few of its brain-babies). Sometimes it's just comic relief (some of Shakespeare's stuff, White Chicks, Mulan). In news media, crossdressing is used like a punchline - "Not only did he break into their house, but he was wearing WOMEN'S CLOTHES! OMG!" This isn't to say that there are no positive portrayals of trans women, either. But there is a glut of terrible ones that does not exist for trans men. (Note: there is no Ticked Off Tranny Boys With Knives.)

Invisibility sucks, but in our case it has certain advantages.

4. The desire to transition to male is compatible with the concept of male superiority.

Try telling a guy that you want to be a woman (if you aren't one already). He'll react with shock, dismay, yadda. Ask him why. Is it because women are inferior? He might say yes. He might say no, it's just that he can't imagine ever wanting to be one.

Try telling a woman that you want to be a guy (if you aren't one already). She'll react with shock, dismay, yadda. But not because being a woman is so great. More likely, because she thinks you're only transitioning so that you don't have to put up with sexist crap.

Are either of these valid reasons to react negatively? OF COURSE NOT. But people will at least understand why you want to be a man. They're "just better." More physical strength. More sex drive (allegedly). More... betterness. Shows like "Man Caves" exist for a reason - manhood is often treated like an exclusive club that women need to be kept out of and that every man should want to be allowed into - womanhood is kind of a consolation prize. This isn't ubiquitous, but it's certainly a pervasive idea. Consequentially, trans men just aren't seen as the same brand of sick fuck as trans women are.

Now for a bit of non-sociology.

5. The most obvious indicators of our hormonal history can often be concealed using clothing.

Testosterone and estrogen work on the body in different ways during endopuberty. Estrogen causes curves, stunts height, inhibits muscle growth, and that kind of thing. Testosterone increases height, causes muscle growth, masculinizes the bone structure in the body and face, deepens the voice, and promotes beard growth.

In other words, most of estrogen's effects are temporary. Most of testosterone's effects are permanent. Furthermore, the effect of estrogen that poses the biggest obstacle to being seen as a man - breasts - can usually be subdued, albeit uncomfortably, using a binder.

On the other hand, trans women who have undergone testosterone puberty may have several factors to deal with. Facial hair must be shaved regularly; any presence of beardliness is seen as masculine. Electrolysis, which is painful and takes several hours over a period of months, is often required just to get it under control. A larger-size skeleton, masculinized facial features, and lower voice are all difficult to hide, and are considered by many cis people to be telltale signs that a woman is trans.

6. Trans men can dress in the clothing of their target sex before they pass without being viewed as perverts or potential criminals.

See point 4.

7. Queer folk prefer masculine women.

This one is brought to you by trans women and basically any femme folks who were born with vaginas.

Let me asplain - I'm not saying that queer people typically think of trans men as women. However, we do benefit from something I will heretofore refer to as "vaginal solidarity." Sure, we're guys, but we're special guys. We're trusted guys. And we're totes butch, so that makes us crazy popular.

On the other hand, femme women (cis or genderqueer) and femme trans women are often viewed as "reinforcing the patriarchy", and therefore not subversive enough to be queer. It's femmephobic bullshit, but there you go.

8. Assuming we pass, we're guys.

There's no mincing around the fact. No, not every trans guy passes. And no, it doesn't grant us full cishetero privilege - we still have to deal with treatment/surgeries, leftover "female" behaviors that lower our credibility, and of course quite a few of us are gay. But it does give us some advantages. Our opinions our valued. Our bodies are not commodified (unless it is found out that we are trans). We are usually read as our desired gender on the Internet. And a bajillion other things.

Now, none of this is to say that trans guys aren't marginalized. We are. For the crime of being trans, for the incidence of being born with vaginas, we are put down by millions of people as freaks and uppity and whatnot else. But we do have some privileges, and we have to acknowledge them if the world is going to become a safe place for all trans people.